Blog For Free!
Archives
Home
2009 November
2009 October
2009 September
2009 August
2009 July
2009 June
2009 May
2009 April
2009 March
2009 February
2009 January
2008 December
2008 November
2008 October
2008 September
2008 August
2008 July
2008 June
2008 May
2008 April
2008 March
2008 February
2007 December
2007 November
2007 October
2007 September
2007 August
My Links
Ankitsmart
Surrogate
Ggirl
Raggedtiger
Antonio
Drforbush
Mcgowan
Jokebest
Thissideoftheuniverse
Enggdeepak
Christieheals
Fractalmom
Angelsdreams
inkspector
Emerging
Ken
Pirate Girl
LadyG
The Freshmaker
Pastor Dave
Bxgladiator
Grey71
mcgowan
tBlog
My Profile
Send tMail
My tFriends
My Images
Sponsored
Blog
| Teacher |
| 08.31.07 (1:54 pm) [edit] |
A teacher was doing a study testing the senses (taste) of first Graders using a bowl of lifesavers.
The children began to say:
------------------------- ------------------------- ----
Red......................Cherry
Yellow................Lemon
------------------------- ------------------------- ----Green...................Lime
Orange.................Orange
------------------------- ------------------------- ----
Finally the teacher gave them all HONEY lifesavers. After eating them,
none of the children could identify the taste.
------------------------- ------------------------- ----
"Well," she said, "I will give you all a clue. It's what your mother
may sometimes call your father."
------------------------- ------------------------- ----
One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and
Yelled, "Oh, my God!! They're ass-holes !
------------------------- ------------------------- ----
Mark 3:1-2 There was a man with a withered hand. They watched him closely to see if he would cure him on the sabbath so they might accuse him
|
| Stuff!! |
| 08.31.07 (1:16 pm) [edit] |
|
"Attention children,' smiled the kindergarten teacher. "Now who can tell me what comes after the letter G?"---------------------- ---------------------- Up shot Joey's hand. "Yes Joey." "Whiz!" he shouted in reply
------------------------- ------------------------- ----
There are only two kinds of people - those who cause happiness wherever they go, and those who cause happiness whenever they go.
------------------------- ------------------------- ----
A gypsy reports that fortune telling is on the way out among his people. "The future just isn't what it used to be," he says.
------------------------- ------------------------- ----
"Would you pay for an operation if I found one necessary?" the specialist asked "Would you find one necessary if I couldn't pay for it?" the patient countered. ------------------------- -----------------------
"Pop I have great news for you." "What's that?" "Remember the $10.00 you promised me if I passed history? Well, you can keep it."
------------------------- ------------------------- ----
Prisoner: The judge sent me here for the rest of my life. Guard: Got any complaints?" Prisoner: Do you call breaking rocks with this hammer a rest?"
------------------------- ------------------------- ----
Said the ex convict to the judge: But your honor, if you send me to prison, I'll violate my parole. I'm not supposed to consort with known criminals.
------------------------- ------------------------- ----
Overheard: Thanks to the gas shortage, I now own a stationary wagon.
------------------------- ------------------------- ----
Some persons are easily entertained. All you have to do is sit down and listen to them.
------------------------- ------------------------- ----
Unable to think of a suitable gift for his wife, a man asked the salesgirl, "What do you have for a girl who has everything?" "Envy" declared the girl, "Nothing but envy."
------------------------- ------------------------- ----
Fight Crime: Shoot Back!
|
| Balloonist & Fisherman |
| 08.31.07 (10:48 am) [edit] |
|
A Woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost.
She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below.
She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I
promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't
know where I am."
The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in
a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground
elevation of 2346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees,
14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes
west longitude.
She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican."
"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?" "Well,"
answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically
correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information,
and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."
The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Democrat."
"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?" "Well,"
said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you're
going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity
of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to
keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in
exactly the same position you were in before we met,
but, somehow, now it's my fault."
|
| The Scoop on Honey |
| 08.31.07 (10:45 am) [edit] |
|
HONEY.
Lovers who love each other heart to heart call one another as HONEY. Mothers who love their little dots use this word to express the taste of the kiss they receive from their babies. So, it is evident, that honey is a lovable thing. Why is it so? Let us look into this question in this article.
Honey is the nature's gift to mankind. It is a pleasant food item having acquired of special reputation as medicine and as a nutritious food. Honey is a golden colored syrupy substance made by bees from the nectar of flowers. The quality of honey depends on the prevailing flower blossom. Genuine honey will contain pollen grains, which can be detected under microscope.
Honey is healthier compared to refined sugar since honey has traces of minerals and vitamins to its credit. Honey contains fewer calories and carbohydrates than sugar since it contains water. But when substituting honey for sugar in recipes, due to the high density of honey compared to sugar, substituting honey for sugar by volume rather than by weight would give you more calories. Honey contains sugars in the form of glucose and fructose that gives the sweetness. The clearer the honey the higher the proportion of fructose although, honey will almost always granulate if it is kept long enough. Heating can make it loose
Honey is useful as a sedative; It acts as a decongestant , It is good as anti septic and It is useful in managing constipation, obesity, Honey in warm milk or water can give a soothing effect for patient with sore throats. Adding two teaspoons of honey and juice of half a lemon in a glass of hot water can make a drink of sore throats. Dried ginger powder 1/2 tsp, 2-3 black pepper cones, 2-3 cloves, 2-3 cardamom, 1/2 tsp. Cummins seeds should be boiled and add little tea leaves and honey and can be had hot. It gives good relief of the throat pain, cold, and cough. It can be taken two to three times in a day . Honey is used to remove phlegm. Take 8- 10 tulsi leaves, 1-2 cloves of garlic, 1/2 inch piece ginger crushed and 3-4 black pepper cones, boil it in 1 cup of water. Add 1 tsp. of honey to this and drink it warm. This is good for cold and cough with phlegm. Mix equal parts of ginger juice and honey and have it 2-3 times in a day which is good for cough. Ginger powder, black pepper powder and honey is also good for dry cough and can be had 3-4 times in a day . Asafoetida is useful in the treatment of respiratory disorders like whooping cough, asthma and bronchitis.1 tsp. of asafoetida mixed with honey will help to keep away these disorders. A pinch of turmeric and one teaspoon of honey in warm milk can be taken daily for children and adults who get frequent colds.
Honey 50 ml per litre is recommended instead of sugar in the oral rehydration fluid. The nutmeg should be powdered and mixed with honey and can be taken during diarrhoea. It can be given to small children also.1 teaspoon twice or thrice can be taken. One spoon of fresh honey mixed with the juice of half a lemon in a glass of lukewarm water taken first thing in the morning is very effective for constipation, hyperacidity, and obesity.
Honey is useful for the skin diseases. It can be applied externally for wounds, sores, and burns. It is also believed to minimise disfiguring scar.. Honey, turmeric, and gram flour is very good face pack. It can be applied for 15 - 20 minutes and washed off with water.
Honey act as a mild sedative. Take one teaspoon of honey in warm milk before going to bed.. Honey is useful in providing energy to the body. Asafoetida fried in ghee and mixed with a tablespoon of honey to be taken thrice daily for excessive flow and pain full menstruation and leucorrhoea.
Please visit: http://www.herbsandcures.com
Jesus declared: "Take my yoke(burden) upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls"(Matthew 11:29).
|
| The Farmer Knows!! |
| 08.31.07 (10:11 am) [edit] |
|
An Old Farmer's Advice:
* Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight
and bull-strong.
* Keep skunks and bankers and lawyers at a
distance.
* Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
* A bumble bee is considerably faster than a
John Deere tractor.
* Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.
* Meanness don't jes' happen overnight.
* Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.
* Do not corner something that you know is meaner
than you.
* It don't take a very big person to carry a
grudge.
* You cannot unsay a cruel word.
* Every path has a few puddles.
* When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
* The best sermons are lived, not preached.
* Most of the stuff people worry about ain't
never gonna happen anyway.
* Don't judge folks by their relatives.
* Remember that silence is sometimes the best
answer.
* Live a good, honorable life Then when you get
older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.
* Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't
botherin' you none.
* Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a
rain dance.
* If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
* Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
* The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever
have to deal with, watches
you from the mirror every mornin'.
* Always drink upstream from the herd.
* Good judgment comes from experience, and a
lotta that comes from bad judgment.
* Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot
easier than puttin' it back in.
* If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some
influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
* Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply.
Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God
|
| The Farmer's Advice! |
| 08.31.07 (10:06 am) [edit] |
|
An Old Farmer's Advice:
* Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight
and bull-strong.
* Keep skunks and bankers and lawyers at a
distance.
* Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
* A bumble bee is considerably faster than a
John Deere tractor.
* Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.
* Meanness don't jes' happen overnight.
* Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.
* Do not corner something that you know is meaner
than you.
* It don't take a very big person to carry a
grudge.
* You cannot unsay a cruel word.
* Every path has a few puddles.
* When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
* The best sermons are lived, not preached.
* Most of the stuff people worry about ain't
never gonna happen anyway.
* Don't judge folks by their relatives.
* Remember that silence is sometimes the best
answer.
* Live a good, honorable life Then when you get
older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.
* Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't
botherin' you none.
* Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a
rain dance.
* If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
* Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
* The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever
have to deal with, watches
you from the mirror every mornin'.
* Always drink upstream from the herd.
* Good judgment comes from experience, and a
lotta that comes from bad judgment.
* Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot
easier than puttin' it back in.
* If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some
influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
* Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply.
Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God
|
| Lawyers! hehe |
| 08.30.07 (11:38 am) [edit] |
|
Did you see him?
This old man was a witness in a burglary case.
The defense lawyer asks -Sam, did you see my client commit this burglary?
"Yes", said Sam, - "I saw him plainly take the goods".
The lawyer asks Sam again -"Sam, this happened at night. Are you sure you saw my client commit this crime?"
"Yes" says Sam, - "I saw him do it."
Then the lawyer asks Sam -"Sam listen, you are 80 years old and your eye sight probably is bad. Just how far can you see at night?"
Sam says - "I can see the moon, how far is that?"
************************* ************************* ************************* *****
The Proposition
An attorney was sitting in his office late one night, when Satan appeared before him. The Devil told the lawyer, "I have a proposition for you. You can win every case you try, for the rest of your life. Your clients will adore you, your colleagues will stand in awe of you, and you will make embarrassing sums of money. All I want in exchange is your soul, your wife's soul, your children's souls, your children's children's souls, the souls of your parents, grandparents, and your parents in law, and the souls of all your friends and law partners."
The lawyer thought about this for a moment with a puzzled face, then asked, "OK, so... What's the catch?"
************************* ************************* ************************* ************************* **
Short Lawyer Jokes
A group of terrorists burst into the conference room at the Ramada Hotel where the American Bar Association was holding its Annual Convention. More than a hundred lawyers were taken as hostages.
The terrorist leader announced that, unless their demands were met, they would release one lawyer every hour.
************************* ************************* ************************* ************************* ***
It was so cold last winter ... (How cold was it?) ... I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets!
************************* ************************* ************************* ************************* ***
A lawyer was visiting a farmer on business, when he stepped out of his Mercedes in the farmyard he stepped into a cow dropping. Looking down he cried, "Oh my god I'm melting!"
************************* ************************* ************************* ************************* ***
What's the difference between God and a lawyer?
God doesn't think He's a lawyer.
************************* ************************* ************************* ************************* ***
When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law before the criminal gets arrested, we call him an accomplice. When a person assists a criminal in breaking the law after the criminal gets arrested, we call him a defense lawyer.
|
| Ummm Hi Tech? |
| 08.30.07 (11:15 am) [edit] |
|
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked.
------------------------- ------------------------- -------------
She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery in this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car.
------------------------- ------------------------- ---------------
"Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery for this?"
------------------------- ------------------------- ---------------
"Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I asked.
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------
"No, just this remote thingy which she handed to me with the car keys.
------------------------- ------------------------- ---------------
As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries...it's a long walk."
------------------------- ------------------------- ---------------
Mike's Girlfriend
After directory assistance gave me my boyfriend's new telephone number, I dialed him -- and got a woman.
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------
"Is Mike there?" I asked.
"He's in the shower," she responded.
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- -
"Please tell him his girlfriend called," I said and hung up.
------------------------- ------------------------- -----------------
When he didn't return the call, I dialed again. This time a man answered. "This is Mike," he said.
------------------------- ------------------------- -------------
"You're not my boyfriend!" I exclaimed.
"I know," he replied. "That's what I've been trying to tell my wife for the past half-hour."
------------------------- ------------------------- ----------------
Daytime Television
A newspaper reporter was writing a feature story about prison life and was interviewing one of the prisoners. "Do you watch much television here?"
------------------------- ------------------------- ---------------------
"Only the daytime shows," the inmate said. "At night we're locked in our cells and don't see any television."
------------------------- ------------------------- -----------
"That's too bad," the reporter said, "But I do think it is nice that the warden lets you watch it in the daytime."
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------
"What do you mean, nice?" the inmate said. "That's part of the punishment."
------------------------- ------------------------- ----------------
Luke 6:30 Give to everyone who asks of you, and from the one who takes what is yours do not demand it back.
|
| Old Pics of Your City |
| 08.30.07 (10:22 am) [edit] |
|
Click on the state and then on the county to see old penny postcards from that area.... pretty neat...................................................................................................
http://www.rootsweb.com/~usgenweb/special/ppcs/pp cs.html
|
| Fun to do Website!! |
| 08.29.07 (7:54 pm) [edit] |
|
hehe, one cheat... start with the "cactus"!!!
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- -----------
http://hollywoodrecords.go.co...
Put your brains to work...
|
| Birds & Bees w/ Twist |
| 08.29.07 (12:56 pm) [edit] |
|
Birds And Bees with a TwistA little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?" The father answers: "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a Chat Room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, I upgraded my floppy to a stiffy and then your Mom agreed to do a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall.
Since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little Pop-Up appeared and said, "You've Got Male."
Crude Sex Jokes ()
Q. What happened to the Pope when he went to Mount Olive?
A. Popeye almost killed him!
========================= ========================= ========================= ====
Q. How can you tell a head nurse?
A. She's the one with the dirty knees!
========================= ========================= ========================= ====
Q. Difference between a man buying a lottery ticket and a man fighting with his wife...
A. A man has a chance at winning at the lottery.
========================= ========================= ========================= ====
Q. What does a female snail say during sex?
A. Faster, faster, faster!
========================= ========================= ========================= ====
Q. What do you call an adolescent rabbit?
A. A pubic hair.
-======================== ========================= ========================= =====
Q. How can you tell if you have acne?
A. If the blind can read your face.
========================= ========================= ========================= ====
Q. Why did the woman get thrown out of the riding stable?
A. She wanted to mount the horse her way.
========================= ========================= ========================= ====
Q. How did the tugboat get AIDS?
A. It was rear-ended by a ferry.
========================= ========================= ========================= ====
Q. How can you tell a sumo wrestler from a feminist?
A. A Sumo wrestler shaves his legs.
========================= ========================= ========================= ====
|
| Some Helpful Things |
| 08.29.07 (12:52 pm) [edit] |
|
Sealed envelope - Put in the freezer for a few hours, then slide a knife under the flap. The envelope can then be resealed.. (hmmmmmm...)
========================= ========================= ========================= ==
Use Empty toilet paper roll to store appliance cords. It keeps them neat and you can write on the roll what appliance it belongs to.
========================= ========================= ========================= =
For icy door steps in freezing temperatures: get warm water and put Dawn dishwashing liquid in it. Pour it all over the steps. They won't refreeze.
(wish I had known this for the last 40 years!)
========================= ========================= ========================= =
Crayon marks on walls? This worked wonderfully! A damp rag, dipped in baking soda. Comes off with little effort (elbow grease that is!).
========================= ========================= ========================= =
Permanent marker on appliances/counter tops (like store receipt BLUE!) rubbing alcohol on paper towel.
========================= ========================= ========================= =
Whenever I purchase a box of S.O.S Pads, I immediately take a pair of scissors and cut each pad into halves. After years of having to throw away rusted and unused and smelly pads, I finally decided that this would be much more economical. And now a box of S.O.S pads last me indefinitely! In fact, I have noticed that the scissors get sharpened this way!
========================= ========================= ========================= =
Blood stains on clothes? Not to worry! Just pour a little hydrogen peroxide on a cloth and proceed to wipe off every drop of blood. Works every time! Now, where to put the body?
======================== ========================= ========================= ==
Use vertical strokes when washing windows outside and horizontal for inside windows. This way you can tell which side has the streaks. Straight vinegar will get outside windows really clean. Don't wash windows on a sunny day. They will dry too quickly and will probably streak.
========================= ========================= ========================= =
Spray a bit of perfume on the lightbulb in any room to create a lovely light scent in each room when the light is turned on.
========================= ========================= ========================= ==
Place fabric softener sheets in dresser drawers and your clothes will Smell freshly washed for weeks to come. You can also do this with towels and linen.
========================= ========================= ========================= ==
Candles will last a lot longer if placed in the freezer for at least 3 hours prior to burning.
========================= ========================= ========================= ===
To clean artificial flowers, pour some salt into a paper bag and add the flowers. Shake vigorously as the salt will absorb all the dust and dirt and leave your artificial flowers looking like new! Works like a charm!
========================= ========================= ========================= ===
To easily remove burnt on food from your skillet, simply add a drop or two of dish soap and enough water to cover bottom of pan, and bring to a boil on stovetop.
========================= ========================= ========================= ===
Spray your TUPPERWARE with nonstick cooking spray before pouring in tomato based sauces and there won't be any stains.
========================= ========================= ========================= ===
Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it Will keep for weeks.
========================= ========================= ========================= ===
When boiling corn on the cob, add a pinch of sugar to help bring out the corn's natural sweetness.
========================= ========================= ========================= ===
Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
========================= ========================= ========================= ===
Don't throw out all that leftover wine: Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces. Left over wine? What's that?! :)
========================= ========================= ========================= ===
To get rid of itch from mosquito bites, try applying soap on the area And you will experience instant relief.
========================= ========================= ========================= ===
Ants, ants, ants everywhere ... Well, they are said to never cross a chalk line. So get your chalk out and draw a line on the floor or wherever ants tend to march. See for yourself.
========================= = ========================= ========================= =
Use air-freshener to clean mirrors. It does a good job and better still, leaves a lovely smell to the shine.
========================= ========================= ========================= ===
When you get a splinter, reach for the scotch tape before resorting to tweezers or a needle. Simply put the scotch tape over the splinter, then pull it off. Scotch tape removes most splinters painlessly and easily.
========================= ========================= ========================= ==
Now look what you can do with Alka Seltzer. Clean a toilet. Drop in two Alka Seltzer tablets,wait twenty minutes, brush and flush. The citric acid and effervescent action clean vitreous China.
========================= ========================= ========================= ===
Clean a vase. To remove a stain from the bottom of a glass vase or cruet, fill with water and drop in two Alka Seltzer tablets.
========================= ========================= ========================= ===
Polish jewelry. Drop two Alka Seltzer tablets into a glass of water and immerse the jewelry for two minutes.
========================= ========================= ========================= ===
Clean a thermos bottle. Fill the bottle with water, drop in four Alka Seltzer tabl ets, and let soak for an hour (or longer, if necessary).
========================= ========================= ========================= ===
Unclog a drain. Clear the sink drain by dropping three Alka Seltzer Tablets down the drain followed by a cup of Heinz White Vinegar. Wait a few minutes, then run the hot water.
========================= ========================= ========================= ==
Do your friends a favor. Pass this timely (and some not-so-timely) information on to a friend! I just did.
Makes you wonder about ingesting Alka Seltzer, doesn't it?
Psalm 112:1 Happy the one who fears the Lord
|
| New Church Bulletins!! |
| 08.29.07 (12:48 pm) [edit] |
|
They're back! New Church Bulletins: Thank God for the church ladies who type them. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at side entrance.
------------------------- ------------------------- -------------
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
------------------------- ------------------------- ----------------
The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
------------------------- ------------------------- ---------------
Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
------------------------- ------------------------- ----------------
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
------------------------- ------------------------- ---------------
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
------------------------- ------------------------- ---------------
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
------------------------- ------------------------- ---------------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
------------------------- ------------------------- ----------------
Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
------------------------- ------------------------- ----------------
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
------------------------- ------------------------- ---------------
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
------------------------- ------------------------- ----------------
Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------ -
The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
------------------------- ------------------------- ----------------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
------------------------- ------------------------- ----------------
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
------------------------- ------------------------- ----------------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?"
Come early and listen to our choir practice.
------------------------- ------------------------- ----------------
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
------------------------- ------------------------- ----------------
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be cycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
------------------------- ------------------------- ----------------
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
------------------------- ------------------------- ----------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
------------------------- ------------------------- ----------------
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
------------------------- ------------------------- ----------------
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
------------------------- ------------------------- ----------------
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
------------------------- ------------------------- ----------------
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S is done.
------------------------- ------------------------- ----------------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would
lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
------------------------- ------------------------- ----------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
------------------------- ------------------------- ----------------
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church
basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
------------------------- ------------------------- ---------------
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan
last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Now, Up Yours
Psalm 3:3 But thou, O LORD, art a shield for me; my glory, and the lifter up of mine head...
|
| A King named.... |
| 08.28.07 (10:01 pm) [edit] |
|
As ancient English
folklore goes we have all heard of King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table.
One day it was found by the king that one of his knights had committed an unhonorable act by making a pass at the Lady Gwenevere. This knight was Sir Lancelot and quite out of his character but, yes, he had committed the act.
The king commanded him to appear and at his appearance the king made an ultimatum. "Oh, Sir Lancelot, one of my beloved knights and most loyal, you have greatly disgraced me but because you are one of my best and most loved knights I will grant you one chance at freedom." The king went on, "I will pose a riddle to you, and, if you can solve this great question I will let you go free, but, if not, you will be sentenced to death by quartering."
The knight was greatly distressed, but he answered the king, "Oh great king, pose the riddle to your most loyal knight."
"The riddle is this, 'What do women want most?"
The court was silent. Who, in any wisdom, could answer this great question. The knight replied, "Oh king, thank you for this great opportunity. How, I beg you, long do I have to answer the riddle?"
The king said, "One week. I know you are loyal and a man of your word, you are free to search the land for the answer."
The knight was on his way to find the answer. He sought high and low. On the first day, he sought wisdom from the ancients who answered him that it is not possible to know such a thing. The second day he went to the priest who answered that it was only God who could answer such a question. And so it continued day by day that no one could answer this great question.
Finally, time was short, and the knight was becoming desperate. He found the powerful and very ugly witch of the southern lands. He besought her for her divination. She examining him answered him thus, "I will and am fully able to answer this question but you too must promise me one thing and I will answer thee."
"What is it that you desire witch?" The knight interjected a little annoyed, knowing the deviousness of the witch.
"You must promise to marry me, Oh knight." She answered
The knight was shocked. But know the time was short, he thought for a brief moment and said, "I am short of life, I value my life greatly and because of this I will promise to marry you if you answer the riddle properly."
"Knowing you are a knight and a man of your word I will answer you." The witch began with a slight smirk on her wickedly ugly face, "What do women want most?" She paused for a slight affect, "Women want most to have their own way."
The knight and those of his train understood immediately that this was the right and proper answer. But to be sure the knight said, "I will give the king the answer and if it is so, I will return to marry you." and off he went.
Riding hard to meet the king at the appointed hard the knight arrived.
With but a few moments remaining the knight stood before the king. The king spoke, "Have you the answer to my riddle oh knight?"
And the knight bowed he answered and a firm voice, "I do oh king!" The court became quite hushed with anticipation.
"Answer then oh most loyal knight that you may be exonerated from your punishment!" the king commanded.
"Women want most to have their own way, Oh king."
The king smiled, "you are most wise knight, go on your way, you are free."
The knight exited the court with relief but as soon as he walked out there was the witch waiting for him.
"You remember your promise you most honorable knight, do you not?" She cackled.
"Yes, I am a man of my word, this night I will marry you."
"Very well, knight, and because you are a man of your word and honorable I will grant YOU a wish of your desire. I can be beautiful for you, BUT, I can either be beautiful for you in the late evenings that you may enjoy me as a wife OR I can be beautiful for you in the day that you may have honor among your men." she humbly paused "which will it be knight?"
The knight being wise paused to think and while thinking he remembered the riddle that saved his life. "What do women want most?" The knight replied, "Witch, you choose which one you would have to be."
The witch gravely said to him, "You are also very wise knight for you learn from your mistakes. For this I will be beautiful for you at all times." She cast her spell and instantly she became a very fair maiden.
And the land was at peace again and there was a great celebration. For the moral of this story my friend is quite simple and that is, "Let the woman have her way or else things are going to get really ugly."
Jeremiah 10:23 Lord, I know that the way of man is not in himself: it is not in man that walketh to direct his steps
|
| Wonder How? |
| 08.28.07 (9:59 pm) [edit] |
|
Now if I could just figure how to get this on my homepage!!!
|
| Attempt 2 |
| 08.28.07 (8:12 pm) [edit] |
|
|
| Beautiful Thing! |
| 08.28.07 (3:11 pm) [edit] |
|
This is a Great Site!!! turn up your sound - sit back and Enjoy!!!
really worthwhile!!
Thought this was really neat & calming, and thought you might enjoy some relaxing to the neat music, I had to come back here & click twice to get to the Goose, give it a shot!! It self scrolls!!
Be sure your sound is on and go to this site:
http://members.aol.com/Cuttyh...
|
| 08.28.07 (3:08 pm) [edit] |
|
Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Think about it, it was the best way to get more people.
3. Mostly to
clean the house.
4. To help us out of there when we were getting born.
How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. He made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts
Why did God give you your mother and not some other Mom?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other! r people's moms like me.
What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world, and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string. I think.
What kind of little girl was your Mom?
1. My Mom has always been my Mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.
How did your Mom meet your dad?
1. Mom was working in a store and dad was shoplifting.
What did Mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer? Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?
Why did your Mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.
What makes a real woman?
1. It means you have to be really bossy without looking bossy.
Who's the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dads such a goofball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.
What's the difference between moms and dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home, and dads just got to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller and stronger, but moms have all the real power cause that's who you gotta ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
What does your Mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
What's the difference between moms and grandmas?
1. About 30 years.
2. You can always count on grandmothers for candy. Sometimes moms don't even have bread on them!
Describe the world's greatest Mom?
1. She would make broccoli taste like ice cream!
2. The greatest Mom in the world wouldn't make me kiss my aunts!
3. She'd always be smiling and keep her opinions to herself.
Is anything about your Mom perfect?
1. Her teeth are perfect, but she bought them from the dentist.
2. Her casserole recipes. But we hate them.
3. Just her children
What would it take to make your Mom perfect?
1. On the inside she's already perfect.
Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd dye-it, maybe blue.
If you could change one thing about your Mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my Mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did ! it and not me.
THIS NEEDS TO BE SENT TO ALL MOMS WHO COULD USE A GOOD LAUGH
|
| Hubby & Wife Visit... |
| 08.28.07 (2:56 pm) [edit] |
|
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After the checkup, the doctor took the wife aside and told her, "If you don't do the following, your husband will lose his will to live and surely die."
Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast and send him off to work in a good mood.
At lunch time, make him a warm, nutritious meal and put him in a good frame of mind before he goes back to work.
For dinner, fix especially nice meals selected from his favorite foods and don't burden him with household chores or problems.
Make love with him several times a week and satisfy his every sexual whim.
On the way home, the husband asked his wife what the doctor had told her.
She replied, "You're going to die."
|
| Spectacular Site |
| 08.27.07 (9:56 am) [edit] |
|
Sit back and enjoy a trip from the outer Universe....to the deep inner Universe!
http://micro.magnet.fsu.edu/p...
|
| Wits...dom |
| 08.27.07 (9:45 am) [edit] |
|
Kids confidential opinions about love: I'm not rushing into love, I'm finding fourth grade hard enough. (age 10) Yesterday I kissed a girl in a private place. We were behind a tree. (age 7) What people are thinking when they say I love you: The person is thinking, "Yeah, I really do love him, but I hope he showers at least once a day. (age 9) Some lovers might be real nervous so they are glad that they finally got it out and said it, and now they can go eat. (age 7) Why love happens between certain people: One of the people has freckles so he finds someone who has freckles too. (age 6) No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That's why perfume and deodorant are so popular. (age 9) I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn't supposed to be so painful. (age 8) How to make love last: Spend most of your time loving, instead of going to work.(age 8) Don't forget your wifes name, that will mess up love. (age 8) Be a good kisser, it might make your wife forget that you never take out the trash.(age 9) Random thoughts: Falling in love is like an avalanche where you have to run for your life. (age 9) If you want to be loved by somebody who isn't already in your family, it doesn't hurt to be beautiful. (age 9) When a person gets kissed for the first time they fall down and don't get up for at least an hour. (age 8) To make a person fall in love with you, shake your hips and hope for the best. (age 8)
|
| New Proverbs! |
| 08.27.07 (9:41 am) [edit] |
|
It's hard to believe these were actually done by grader one kids ("6" year-olds), because the last one is classic! ------------------------- ------------------------- --- Strike while the ....insect is close. ------------------------- ------------------------- ---- Never underestimate the power of............ants. ------------------------- ------------------------- ---- Don't bite the hand that....................looks dirty. ------------------------- ------------------------- ---- Better to be safe than.....................punch a grade 7 boy. ------------------------- ------------------------- ---- If you lie down with dogs, you'll...........stink in the morning. ------------------------- ------------------------- ---- It's always darkest before.................DaylightSaving Time. ------------------------- ------------------------- ---- You can lead a horse to water but...........how? ------------------------- ------------------------- ---- No news is..................................impossible. ------------------------- ------------------------- ---- A miss is as good as a.....................Mr. ------------------------- ------------------------- ---- You can't teach an old dog new..............maths. ------------------------- ------------------------- ---- Love all, trust.............................me. ------------------------- ------------------------- ---- The pen is mightier than the...............pigs. ------------------------- ------------------------- ---- An idle mind is............................the best way to relax. ------------------------- ------------------------- ---- Where there's smoke there's.................pollution. ------------------------- ------------------------- ---- - Happy the bride who........................gets all the presents. A penny saved is............................not much. Two's company, three's.....................the Musketeers. Don't put off till tomorrow what............you put on to go to bed. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and..........you have to blow your nose. There are none so blind as.................Stevie Wonder. Children should be seen and not.............smacked or grounded. If at first you don't succeed..............get new batteries. You get out of something only what you......see in the picture on the box. When the blind leadeth the blind............get out of the way. And the favorite: Better late than............................pregnant!
|
| Golden Years Oldies |
| 08.27.07 (8:27 am) [edit] |
|
Golden Years Oldies
1. Herman's Hermits--- Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker......................
2. The Bee Gees--- How Can You Mend a Broken Hip........................
3. Bobby Darin--- Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash......................
4. Ringo Starr--- I Get By With a Little Help From Depends....................
5. Roberta Flack--- The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face...................
6. Johnny Nash--- I Can't See Clearly Now............
7. Paul Simon--- Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver............
8. The Commodores--- Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom.......................
9. Marvin Gaye--- Heard It Through the Grape Nuts......................................
10. Procol Harem--- A Whiter Shade of Hair.................
11. Leo Sayer--- You Make Me Feel Like Napping................
12. The Temptations--- Papa's Got a Kidney Stone...............
13. Abba--- Denture Queen..............
14. Tony Orlando--Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear me Fall.....................
15. Helen Reddy--- I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore....................
16. Leslie Gore--- It's My Procedure, and I'll Cry If I Want To........................
17. Willie Nelson--- On the Commode Again...................
1 John 3:11 We should love one another.
|
| You know you're drunk when.... |
| 08.27.07 (8:25 am) [edit] |
|
? You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
? You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
? Job interfering with your drinking.
? Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
? Career won't progress beyond Senator of Massachusetts.
? The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
? Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.
? 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? - I think not!
? Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem!
? You can focus better with one eye closed.
? The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.
? Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.
? Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!
? Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you
? At AA meetings you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."
? Your idea of cutting back is less salt.
? You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed. - hmm.
? The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in...
|
| Historical Sites |
| 08.27.07 (8:24 am) [edit] |
|
This site shows a map of the US and lists Historical sites of every State...
http://www.nationalregisterof...
Psalm 112:1 Happy the one who fears the Lord
|
| Cool Websites |
| 08.25.07 (1:43 pm) [edit] |
|
Sorry...I haven't doubled checked to see if all these are still active, so just give em a shot!!!
This is an interesting site, in it gives the size of every country in the world....didn't know there were so many of them!!!!!
http://www.odci.gov/cia/publi...
The site below is quite funny...takes a little time to load, but might be worth it!! hehe
http://michaelhodges.com/stuf...
I couldn't go to this site, have to have broadband to load it and also need Windows XP.
http://www.nick.com/all_nick/...
|
| Italian Cookies |
| 08.25.07 (1:41 pm) [edit] |
|
A STORY ABOUT ITALIAN COOKIES...
This is for all the Italians out there, and those who
are lucky enough to be married to an Italian, and even
to all the friends of Italians.
An elderly Italian man lay dying in his bed. While
suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly
smelled the aroma of his favorite Italian anisette
sprinkle cookies wafting up the stairs.
Gathering his remaining strength, he lifted himself
from the bed.
Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out
of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping
the railing with both hands he crawled downstairs.
With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame,
gazing into the kitchen. Were if not for death's
agony, he would have thought himself already in
heaven. For there, spread out upon waxed paper on the
kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite
anisette sprinkled cookies.
Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love
from his devoted Italian wife of sixty years, seeing
to it that he left this world a happy man?
Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself
towards the table, landing on his knees in a crumpled
posture. His parched lips parted, the wondrous taste
of the cookie was already in his mouth, seemingly
bringing him back to life. The aged and withered hand
trembled on its way to a cookie at the edge of the
table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by
his wife.
"Get outta here! " she shouted ,
"They're for the funeral!"
Eph 1: 19- 20 And what the exceeding greatness of his power toward us who believe, It's measure is the working of his mighty power, which he has wrought in Christ, in raising him from the dead, and sitting him at his right hand in Heaven.
|
| WOW!! Enjoy!!! |
| 08.25.07 (1:32 pm) [edit] |
|
This web site called Power of 10 sit back for an incredible show!!
http://micro.magnet.fsu.edu/p...
|
| The Genie |
| 08.25.07 (1:30 pm) [edit] |
|
This man walks into a bar with an old shopping bag in hand. He sets the bag on top of the bar and pulls up his stool. The bartender comes over and asks what he'll have to drink. As he states his preference, something in the bag is moving around shaking the paper bag. The bartender gives a puzzled look but proceeds to the tap. As he's filling the mug, he looks at the bag again and sees that something is still moving around in the bag. He brings the beer over and places it in front of the man.
His curiosity gets the best of him and he asks the man what he's got in the bag. The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little piano and sets it on the bar... the bartender looks intently at the piano as the man again reaches into the bag... pulling out a small piano bench. He places the bench in front of the piano and again reaches into the bag pulling out a foot tall man. The man sits at the piano and begins playing.
The bartender says,"wow, he sure can play the piano,where'd you get him?"
The guy looks at him and again reaches into the bag and pulls out a genie lamp. He hands it to the bartender and says, "Here, go ahead, rub it.."
So the bartender says, "Is there a real genie in there?"
The guy says, "Yes, just rub it and see."
So the bartender says okay and begins to rub the lamp... and out pops this beautiful genie.
She says, "I will grant you one wish, and one wish only."
So the bartender ponders this for a moment and says, "Okay, I'd like a million bucks."
The genie disappears.. and they're both waiting and waiting and nothing happens. They both look at each other and shrug their shoulders. Then a minute later a duck pops up at the end of the bar. They both look at each other, very puzzled, and then another duck appears... and another, and another.. and it continues.
The bartender looks at the guy and says, "I think your genie is deaf. I said I wanted a million bucks not a million ducks."
And the man says, "Yes, I know, do you think I wanted a twelve inch pianist?"
|
| Couple goodies |
| 08.24.07 (9:03 pm) [edit] |
|
"I failed my driver's test. The guy asked me, "What do you do at a red light?"
I said, "I don't know, look around, listen to the radio."
A young woman confides to a friend that she wants to quit smoking, but nothing she does seems to work.
"Have you tried the patch?" her friend asks.
"No, that's one thing I haven't tried," the woman says, "because I'm not sure it works."
Says her friend, "I'm sure it would if you put it over your mouth."
|
| Church Bulletins |
| 08.24.07 (8:59 pm) [edit] |
|
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at side entrance.
------------------------- ------------------------- -------------
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
------------------------- ------------------------- ----------------
The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
------------------------- ------------------------- ---------------
Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
------------------------- ------------------------- ----------------
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
------------------------- ------------------------- ---------------
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
------------------------- ------------------------- ---------------
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
------------------------- ------------------------- ---------------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
------------------------- ------------------------- ----------------
Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
------------------------- ------------------------- ----------------
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
------------------------- ------------------------- ---------------
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
------------------------- ------------------------- ----------------
Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------ -
The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."
------------------------- ------------------------- ----------------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
------------------------- ------------------------- ----------------
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
------------------------- ------------------------- ----------------
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?"
Come early and listen to our choir practice.
------------------------- ------------------------- ----------------
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
------------------------- ------------------------- ----------------
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be cycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
------------------------- ------------------------- ----------------
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
------------------------- ------------------------- ----------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
------------------------- ------------------------- ----------------
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
------------------------- ------------------------- ----------------
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
------------------------- ------------------------- ----------------
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
------------------------- ------------------------- ----------------
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S is done.
------------------------- ------------------------- ----------------
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would
lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
------------------------- ------------------------- ----------------
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
------------------------- ------------------------- ----------------
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church
basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
------------------------- ------------------------- ---------------
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan
last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Now, Up Yours
Psalm 32:10 Many sorrows shall be to the wicked: but he that trusteth in the LORD, mercy shall compass him about
|
| Beautiful Planet! |
| 08.24.07 (7:39 pm) [edit] |
|
These are gorgeous views of Mother Earth from outer space, including what must have been an awesome dust storm! Enjoy!!
Click here: What A Beautiful Blue Planet!
Since I don't like blind click's like above, here's the whole address!
http://home.att.net/~hideaway_fun/442/planet.htm
|
| Funny |
| 08.24.07 (7:35 pm) [edit] |
|
A sandwich walks into a bar and asks for a pint of beer. The bartender says"Sorry, we don't serve food."
The "Environmental Engineering News" published some rather sobering information about punishment for drunk driving convictions in other countries.
In Australia, the names of drunk drivers are printed in newspapers under the caption, "He's drunk and in jail."
In Malaysia the driver is jailed and, if married, the spouse is jailed.
In the United Kingdom, Finland and Sweden there's an automatic jail term of one year.
In Turkey, drunk drivers are driven twenty miles out of town and forced to walk back ten miles.
In Bulgaria, a second drunk-driving conviction results in capital punishment.
In El Salvador, your first offense is your last -- execution by firing squad.
An unfriendly computer has been held responsible for a "potentially lethal error" involving a Mafia loan collector.
A New York paper inadvertently put the `heavy' in the running for a pair of custom-fitted concrete shoes when it identified him as a "ruthless informer".
According to a published retraction (and apology!), a writer on the paper had actually typed "ruthless enforcer" - but the computer system's spelling checker liked it the other way.
And I thought the worst you could expect from a "computer error" was a bill for a million dollars!
William P. Holcomb, whose job is to supervise the tracking down of Houston, Texas parking ticket violators. It was revealed that he had 375 unpaid tickets.
People of northwestern Montana have been advised to be on the lookout for drunken bears. Black bears and grizzlies have been congregating along the tracks of the Burlington Northern railroad tracks, where a train carrying hundreds of tons of corn derailed some time ago. The corn has fermented, and the aroma is attracting the bears. "The bears are actually intoxicated up there," said wildlife biologist Loren Hicks. And a grizzly with a hangover can be cross as a bear.
Brezhnev, a former ruler of Russia, was thought not to be too bright. He comes to address a big Communist party meeting, and starts:
"Dear Comrade Imperialists,"
The whole hall perked up - "what did he say??" Brezhnev tried again...
"Dear Comrade Imperialists,"
Well, by now the hall was in pandemonium - was he trying to call them Imperialists? Then, an advisor walked over to the podium and pointed to the speech for Brezhnev. "Oh..." he muttered, and started again:
"Dear Comrades, Imperialists are everywhere."
Matt.. 11:28 -29 Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest. :29 take my yoke upon you, learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for your souls.
|
| Great Family Viewing |
| 08.24.07 (7:05 pm) [edit] |
|
Great family viewing. USED SHOUTPOST
http://www.kitelife.com/video...
Best wishes & God Bless ~
|
| Questions regarding pregnancy: hehe |
| 08.24.07 (7:01 pm) [edit] |
|
Q. My husband and I are very attractive. I'm sure our baby will be beautiful enough for commercials. Whom should I contact about this?
A. Your therapist.
Q. I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A. With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q. My brother tells me that since my husband has a big nose, and genes for big noses are dominant, my baby will have a big nose as well. Is this true?
A. The odds are greater that your brother will have a fat lip.
Q. My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A. So what's your question?
Q. Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A. No, not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.
Q. Does labor cause hemorrhoids?
A. Labor causes anything you want to blame it for.
Q. Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A. When the kids are in college.
Q. How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A. If it's the flu, you'll get better.
Q. Since I became pregnant, my breasts, rear end, and even my feet have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?
A. Yes, your bladder.
Q. The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
A. Cause you're fatter then they are.
Q. Will I love my dog less when the baby is born?
A. No, but your husband might get on your nerves.
Q. My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A. Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.
Q. When is the best time to get an epidural?
A. Right after you find out you're pregnant.
Q. I'm modest. Once I'm in the hospital to deliver, who will see me in that delicate position?
A. Authorized personnel only--doctors, nurses, orderlies, photographers, florists, cleaning crews, journalists, etc.
Q. What happens to disposable diapers after they're thrown away?
A. They are stored in a silo in the Midwest, in the event of global chemical warfare.
Q. Do I have to have a baby shower?
A. Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.
Q. What causes baby blues?
A. Tanned, hard-bodied bimbos.
Q. What is colic?
A. A reminder for new parents to use birth control.
Q. What are night terrors?
A. Frightening episodes in which the new mother dreams she's pregnant again.
Q. What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A. For men to be the ones who get pregnant.
Psalm 35:9 "And my soul shall be joyful in the LORD: it shall rejoice in his salvation."...
========================= ========================= =========================
========================= ========================= ========================= ===
USED SHOUTPOST
Mensa is an organization whose members have an IQ of 140 or higher. A few years ago, there was a Mensa convention in San Francisco, and several members lunched at a local cafe. While dining, they discovered that their saltskaker contained pepper and their peppershaker was full of salt. How could they swap the contents of the bottles without spilling, and using only the implements at hand? Clearly this was a job for Mensa! The group debated and presented ideas, and finally came up with a brilliant solution involving a napkin, a straw, and an empty saucer.
They called the waitress over to dazzle her with their solution. "Ma'am," they said, "we couldn't help but notice that the peppershaker contains salt and the saltshaker..."
"Oh," the waitress interrupted. "Sorry about that." She uncovered the caps of both bottles and switched them.
(I John 1:9) "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
|
| How much do you know? |
| 08.24.07 (6:58 pm) [edit] |
|
Worth taking the short test ~ http://www.econ4u.org/econ4u....
Clik on How Much Do You
Ps 18:2 The heavens show forth the glory of God, and the firmament declares the work of his hands
|