Brains....re do!!!
Sorry Folks...here it is...Put the brains to work!! (Hint - The Cactus!!!)
http://hollywoodrecords.go.com/polyphonicspree/quest fortherest" title="http://hollywoodrecords.go.com/polyphonicspree/quest fortherest" target="_blank"http://hollywoodrecords.go.co.../
Put Brains to work!!
(Hint...the cactus!)
http://hollywoodrecords.go.com/polyphonicspree/quest fortherest/" title="http://hollywoodrecords.go.com/polyphonicspree/quest fortherest/" target="_blank"http://hollywoodrecords.go.co...
Put your brains to work...
Big Mud puddles & Yellow Dandelions
Big Mud Puddles and Sunny Yellow Dandelions
Author Unknown
When I look at a patch of dandelions, I see a bunch of weeds that are going to take over my yard.
My kids see flowers for Mom and blowing white fluff you can wish on.
When I look at an old drunk and he smiles at me, I see a smelly, dirty person who probably wants money and I look away.
My kids see someone smiling at them and they smile back.
When I hear music I love, I know I can't carry a tune and don't have much rhythm so I sit self-consciously and listen.
My kids feel the beat and move to it. They sing out the words. If they don't know them, they make up their own.
When I feel wind on my face, I brace myself against it. I feel it messing up my hair and pulling me back when I walk.
My kids close their eyes, spread their arms and fly with it, until they fall to the ground laughing.
When I pray, I say thee and thou and grant me this, give me that.
My kids say, "Hi God! Thanks for my toys and my friends. Please keep the bad dreams away tonight. Sorry, I don't want to go to Heaven yet. I would miss my Mommy and Daddy."
When I see a mud puddle I step around it. I see muddy shoes and dirty carpets.
My kids sit in it. They see dams to build, rivers to cross, and worms to play with.
I wonder if we are given kids to teach or to learn from? No wonder God loves the little children!
Enjoy the little things in life, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.
I wish you Big Mud Puddles and Sunny Yellow Dandelions!!!
"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away."
Redneck MaMa
> A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15 kids...
>
> "WOW," the social worker exclaims," Are they ALL YOURS???"
>
> "Yep they are all mine," the flustered momma sighs, having heard that
> question a thousand times before. She says, "Sit down Leroy."
>
> All the children rush to find seats.
>
> "Well," says the social worker, "then you must be here to sign up. I'll
>need all your ch! ildren's names."
>
> "This one's my oldest - he is Leroy."
>
> "OK, and who's next?"
>
> "Well, this one he is Leroy, also."
>
> The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues. One by one, through the
> oldest four, all boys, all named Leroy.
>
> Then she is introduced to the eldest girl, named Leighroy!
>
> "All right," says the caseworker. "I'm seeing a pattern here. Are they ALL
> named Leroy?"
>
> Their Momma replied,! "Well, yes-it makes it easier. When it is time to
>get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell, 'Leroy!'
>
> An' when it's time for dinner, I just yell 'Leroy!' an' they all comes arunnin.'
>
> An' if I need to stop the kid who's running into the street, I just yell
> 'Leroy' and all of them stop.! It's the smartest idea I ever had, namin'
>them all Leroy."
>
> The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead
> and says tentatively, "But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the
> whole bunch?"
>
> "I call them by their last names."
The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close
Scribbling Board!!!
His Vocation!
There was an old country preacher who had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought along
the line of choosing a profession. Like many young men, then and now, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do- and he didn't seem overly
concerned about it.
One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. What he did was, he went into the boy's room
and placed on his study table these three objects: a Bible, a silver dollar, and a bottle of whiskey...
"Now then," the old preacher said to himself, "I'll just hide behind the door here, and when my son comes home from school this
afternoon, I'll see which of these three objects he picks up. If he picks up the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a
blessing that would be! If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a businessman, and that would be o.k. too. But if he picks up the
bottle, he's going to be a drunkard - a no-good drunkard and Lord, what a shame that would be." The old man was anxious as he waited, and soon he
heard his son's footsteps as he came in the house whistling and headed back to his room. He deposited his books on the bed, as a matter of routine, and
as he turned around to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table.
With a curious set in his eye, he walked over to inspect them. What he finally did was, he picked up the Bible and placed it
under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped it into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink...
"Lord have mercy," the old man whispered, "He's gonna be a politician!"
Eccl 3:24 He that loves God shall obtain pardon for his sins by prayer...
Good Sportsmanship
Lesson in good Sportmanship
------------------------- ------------------------- -----------
A must read for Grandparents.
Those who aren't will love it, too.
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------
At one point during a game, the coach called Will,
one of his 9-year-old baseball players aside and asked, "Do
you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?"
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------
The little boy nodded in the affirmative.
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------
"Do you understand that what matters is whether we
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------
win or lose together as a team?"
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------
The little boy nodded yes.
"So," the coach continued, "I'm sure you know, when
an out is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack
the umpire, or call him a pecker-head.
Do you understand all that?"
------------------------- ------------------------- -------------
Again the little boy nodded.
------------------------- ------------------------- --------------
He continued, "And when I take you out of the game
so another boy gets a chance to play, it's not good
sportsmanship to call your coach 'a dumb asshole' is it?"
------------------------- ------------------------- --------------
Again the little boy nodded.
------------------------- ------------------------- --------------
"Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and
explain all that to your grandmother."
------------------------- ------------------------- --------------
Psalm 149:4 ....For the LORD taketh pleasure in his people: he will beautify the humble with salvation
Locate Cellphone hehe
Also...Locate a Cell Phone Anywhere in the WORLD!!
http://www.sat-gps-locate.com/english/index.html" title="http://www.sat-gps-locate.com/english/index.html" target="_blank"http://www.sat-gps-locate.com...
A Great Answer!!!!
> The dinner guests were sitting around the table discussing life.
> One man, a CEO, decided to explain the problem with education. He
> argued, "What's a kid going to learn from someone who decided his best
> option in life was to become a teacher?"
>
> He reminded the other dinner guests what they say about teachers:
> "Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach."
> To stress his point he said to another guest; "You're a teacher. Be
> honest. What do you make?" Having a reputation for honesty and frankness
> he replied, "You want to know what I make?
>
> "I make kids work harder than they ever thought they could."
> "I make a C+ student feel like the winner of the Congressional Medal of
> Honor."
> "I make kids sit through 40 minutes of study hall in absolute silence."
>
> "You want to know what I make?
>
> "I make kids wonder."
> "I make them question."
> "I make them criticize."
> "I make them apologize and mean it."
> "I make them write."
> "I make them read, read, read."
> "I make them show all their work in math and perfect their final
> drafts in English."
> "I make them understand that if you have the brains, and follow your
> heart, and if someone ever tries to judge you by what you earn, you
> must pay no attention because they just didn't learn--the big lesson of
> LIFE."
>
> I paused and continued.
>
> "You want to know what I make?
>
> "I MAKE A DIFFERENCE."
>
> "What do you make?"
> ------------------------- ------------------------- -----
>
> "Great teachers make every other profession possible!"
Why is it called 'after dark', when it is really after light?
>
>
>
Hi Tech Dad
Birds And Bees with a TwistA little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?" The father answers: "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a Chat Room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, I upgraded my floppy to a stiffy and then your Mom agreed to do a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall.
A little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?" The father answers: "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a Chat Room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, I upgraded my floppy to a stiffy and then your Mom agreed to do a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall.Since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little Pop-Up appeared and said, "You've Got Male."
Sex Jokes
Q. What happened to the Pope when he went to Mount Olive?
A. Popeye almost killed him!
Q. How can you tell a head nurse?
A. She's the one with the dirty knees!
Q. Difference between a man buying a lottery ticket and a man fighting with his wife...
A. A man has a chance at winning at the lottery.
Q. What do you call an adolescent rabbit?
A. A pubic hair.
Q. How can you tell if you have acne?
A. If the blind can read your face.
Q. Why did the woman get thrown out of the riding stable?
A. She wanted to mount the horse her way.
Q. How did the tugboat get AIDS?
A. It was rear-ended by a ferry.
Q. How can you tell a sumo wrestler from a feminist?
A. A Sumo wrestler shaves his legs.
Life Explained!
On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit
all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or
walks past. For this I will give you a life span of
twenty years." The dog said, "That's a long time to
be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you
back the other ten?" So God agreed.
On the second day, God created the monkey and said,
"Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For
this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span." The
monkey said, "Do tricks for twenty years.....that's a
long time to perform. How about I give you back ten
like the Dog did?" And God agreed.
On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You
must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer
under the sun, have calves and give milk to support
the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life
span of sixty years ." The cow said, "That's kind of
a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How
about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?" And
God agreed again.
On the fourth day, God created man and said, "Eat,
sleep, play, marry, and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you
twenty years." But man said, "Only twenty years?
Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the
cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the
ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"
"Okay," said God, "You asked for it."
So---that is why the first twenty years we eat,
sleep, play and enjoy ourselves.
For the next forty years we slave in the sun to
support our family.
For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to
entertain the grandchildren.
And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch
and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you.
|
Technology! Quite amazing!!!!!!!
If you Check out the U K voices ....
put different languages in you can learn new words in that language.....Pretty nifty..
She will say anything you type (careful now!)
If you Check out the U K voices ....
put different languages in you can learn new words in that language.....Pretty nifty..
I sure don't know how they do this! When you move the mouse around, her
Eyes follow the pointer. laadeedaah
When you write something in the left space and then click on "Say it," she says it!
You can also change persons doing the talking and the language they speak.
Technology! Quite amazing!!!!!!!
http://www.oddcast.com/home/demos/tts/frames et.php?frame1=talk" title="http://www.oddcast.com/home/demos/tts/frames et.php?frame1=talk" target="_blank"http://www.oddcast.com/home/d...
Leno vs Hillary
I guess Hillary won't be a late night guest on Jay Leno show!
>
>
>"Hillary Clinton said that her childhood dream was to be an Olympic
>athlete. But she was not athletic enough.
>
>She said she wanted to be an astronaut, but at the time they didn't take
>women.
>
>She said she wanted to go into medicine, but hospitals made her woozy.
>
>Should she be telling people this story?
>
>I mean she's basically saying she wants to be president because she can't
>do anything else."
>
>~ Jay Leno
>
> "Well, the big story -- Hillary Clinton will be running for president
>in 2008.
>
>You know why I think she's running?
>
>I think she finally wants to see what it's like to sleep in the president's
>bed."
>
>~ Jay Leno
>
> "In a fiery speech this weekend, Hillary Clinton wondered why President
>Bush can't find the tallest man in Afghanistan.
>
>Probably for the same reason she couldn't find the fattest intern under the
>desk."
>
>~ Jay Leno
>===================== ========================= ========================= =
> More Leno vs Hillary
> "Former President Bill Clinton said that if his wife, Hillary, is
>elected president, he will do whatever she wants.
>
>You know Bill Clinton -- when he makes a vow to Hillary, you can take that
>to the bank."
>
>~ Jay Leno
>
> "Did you know Bill and Hillary Clinton were born under the same sign?
>
>Know what sign?
>
>'For Sale.'"
>
>~ Jay Leno
>
>
> "A student from the University of Washington has sold his soul on eBay
>for $400. He's a law student, so he probably doesn't need it, but still,
>that's not very much.
>
>Today, Hillary Clinton said, 'Hey, at least I got some furniture and a
>Senate seat for mine."
>
>~ Leno
> "Hillary Clinton said today that she wants legislation to allow all
>ex-felons to vote.
>
>See, this way all the Clinton's former business partners can vote for her
>in 2008."
>
Hosea 6:6 For it is love I desire, not sacrice, and knowledge of God rather than holocaus
Hyms for Work
> Good evening, friends, and welcome to our hymn sing. We are pleased to
> announce that we have a hymn for everyone. Our program this evening will
> include:
> The Dentist's Hymn
> Crown Him with Many Crowns
>
> The Weatherman's Hymn
> There Shall Be Showers of Blessings
>
> The Contractor's Hymn
> The Church's One Foundation
>
> The Tailor's Hymn
> Holy, Holy, Holy
>
> The Golfer's Hymn
> There Is A Green Hill Far Away
>
> The Politician's Hymn
> Standing on the Promises
>
> The Optometrist's Hymn
> Open My Eyes That I Might See
>
> The IRA Agent's Hymn
> I Surrender All
>
> The Gossip's Hymn
> Pass It On
>
> The Electrician's Hymn
> Send The Light
>
> The Shopper's Hymn
> Sweet By and By
>
> The Realtor's Hymn
> I've Got a Mansion, Just Over the Hilltop
>
> The Massage Therapist's Hymn
> He Touched Me
>
> The Doctor's Hymn
> The Great Physician
>
>
>
>
> And for you motorists?
>
>
>
>
> 45 mph
> God Will Take Care of You
>
> 55 mph
> Guide Me, O Thou Great Jehovah
>
> 65 mph
> Nearer My God To Thee
>
> 75 mph
> Nearer Still Nearer
>
> 85 mph
> This World Is Not My Home
>
> 95 mph
> Lord, I'm Coming Home
>
> Over 100 mph
> Precious Memories
>
>
It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.
The Curtian rods
She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates, & suitcases. On the second day, she had the movers come & collect her things. On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, & feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, & a bottle of Chardonnay. When she had finished, she went into each & every room & stuffed half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar, into the hollow of all of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen & left.
When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning, mopping, airing the whole place. Vents were checked for dead rodents, carpets were steam cleaned, air fresheners were hung, & exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which time they had to move out for a few days & in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked. People quit visiting, repairmen refused to work in the house, & the maid quit. Finally they could not take the stench any longer & decided to move.
A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer. Word got out about their stinky house & eventually, even the local realtors refused to return their calls. They finally had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to buy a new place to live.
The ex-wife called the man & asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely, then said she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back. Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed & within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork. A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything up to take to their new home, including the curtain rods. I just love a happy ending, Don't you?......uhhh we are not supposed to seek revenge!!
The greater the sinner the greater the right to God's mercy
The Gift/Keeps on Giving
Stupid the gift that keeps on giving
"They need help, and we have helped, and we are here to help. And we are helping, and we're going to continue to help." Vice President Dan Quayle, discussing federal help in the Chicago floods
"This is a delightful surprise to the extent that it is a surprise, and it is only a surprise to the extent that we anticipated."- Secretary of State James Baker
Q: When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?
Opposing attorney: Objection. That question should be taken out and shot. - Official Court Records
Psalm 18:3 My God; my rock of refuge, my shield, the horn of my salvation, my stronghold!
ROLL A SNOW BALL
The Meatrix
Please Write or call your Senators!!!
Moving Skeleton
Been around before...the moving skeleton...but try it again!! hehe :)
instead of moving the cursor fast... move it slowly for a different effect!
One of the most creative pieces I have seen yet!
Move your cursor & watch what happens, it is delightful and strangely addicting. You won't want to stop playing with it. Just use the pointer and click on one or more of the boxes in the upper right corner. Keep your sound on.
Click here: Le coeur fait boum... Chez Maya ! Or below if you don't like hidden links!
http://www.chezmaya.com/applet/valentin.htm" title="http://www.chezmaya.com/applet/valentin.htm" target="_blank"http://www.chezmaya.com/apple...
Matt 1:21 You shall call his name Jesus because he shall save his people from their sins.
Helpful Things---who knew??
>Sealed envelope - Put in the freezer for a few hours, then slide a knife under the flap. The envelope can then be resealed.. (hmmmmmm...)
>===================== =======================
>Use Empty toilet paper roll to store appliance cords. It keeps them neat and you can write on the roll what appliance it belongs to.
>===================== =======================
>For icy door steps in freezing temperatures: get warm water and put Dawn dishwashing liquid in it. Pour it all over the steps. They won't refreeze.
>(wish I had known this for the last 40 years!)
>===================== ========================= ====
>Crayon marks on walls? This worked wonderfully! A damp rag, dipped in baking soda. Comes off with little effort (elbow grease that is!).
>===================== =======================
>Permanent marker on appliances/counter tops (like store receipt BLUE!) rubbing alcohol on paper towel.
>===================== ========================= ====
>Whenever I purchase a box of S.O.S Pads, I immediately take a pair of scissors and cut each pad into halves. After years of having to throw away rusted and unused and smelly pads, I finally decided that this would be much more economical. And now a box of S.O.S pads last me indefinitely! In fact, I have noticed that the scissors get sharpened this way!
>===================== =======================
>Blood stains on clothes? Not to worry! Just pour a little hydrogen peroxide on a cloth and proceed to wipe off every drop of blood. Works every time! Now, where to put the body?
>===================== === ========================
>Use vertical strokes when washing windows outside and horizontal for inside windows. This way you can tell which side has the streaks. Straight vinegar will get outside windows really clean. Don't wash windows on a sunny day. They will dry too quickly and will probably streak.
>===================== ========================= ==
>Spray a bit of perfume on the lightbulb in any room to create a lovely light scent in each room when the light is turned on.
>===================== ========================= ==
>Place fabric softener sheets in dresser drawers and your clothes will Smell freshly washed for weeks to come. You can also do this with towels and linen.
>===================== ========================= ==
>Candles will last a lot longer if placed in the freezer for at least 3 hours prior to burning.
>===================== ========================= ==
>To clean artificial flowers, pour some salt into a paper bag and add the flowers. Shake vigorously as the salt will absorb all the dust and dirt and leave your artificial flowers looking like new! Works like a charm!
>===================== ========================= ===
>To easily remove burnt on food from your skillet, simply add a drop or two of dish soap and enough water to cover bottom of pan, and bring to a boil on stovetop.
>===================== ========================= ==
>Spray your TUPPERWARE with nonstick cooking spray before pouring in tomato based sauces and there won't be any stains.
>===================== ========================= ==
>Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it Will keep for weeks.
>===================== ========================= ==
>When boiling corn on the cob, add a pinch of sugar to help bring out the corn's natural sweetness.
>===================== ========================= ==
>Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The thro bbing will go away.
>===================== ========================= ==
>Don't throw out all that leftover wine: Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces. Left over wine? What's that?! :)
>===================== ========================= ==
>To get rid of itch from mosquito bites, try applying soap on the area And you will experience instant relief.
>===================== ========================= ==
>Ants, ants, ants everywhere ... Well, they are said to never cross a chalk line. So get your chalk out and draw a line on the floor or wherever ants tend to march. See for yourself.
>===================== ===== ======================
>Use air-freshener to clean mirrors. It does a good job and better still, leaves a lovely smell to the shine.
>===================== ========================= ==
>When you get a splinter, reach for the scotch tape before resorting to tweezers or a needle. Simply put the scotch tape over the splinter, then pull it off. Scotch tape removes most splinters painlessly and easily.
>===================== ========================= ==
>Now look what you can do with Alka Seltzer. Clean a toilet. Drop in two Alka Seltzer tablets,wait twenty minutes, brush and flush. The citric acid and effervescent action clean vitreous <?xml:na mespace prefix="st1" ns="urn:schemas-micr osoft-com:office:smarttag s"/>China.
>===================== ========================= ==
>Clean a vase. To remove a stain from the bottom of a glass vase or cruet, fill with water and drop in two Alka Seltzer tablets.
>===================== ========================= ==
>Polish jewelry. Drop two Alka Seltzer tablets into a glass of water and immerse the jewelry for two minutes.
>===================== ========================= ===
>Clean a thermos bottle. Fill the bottle with water, drop in four Alka Seltzer tabl ets, and let soak for an hour (or longer, if necessary).
>===================== ========================= ==
>Unclog a drain. Clear the sink drain by dropping three Alka Seltzer Tablets down the drain followed by a cup of Heinz White Vinegar. Wait a few minutes, then run the hot water.
>===================== ========================= =
>Do your friends a favor. Pass this timely (and some not-so-timely) information on to a friend! I just did.
>
>Makes you wonder about ingesting Alka Seltzer, doesn't it?
>
Psalm 112:1 Happy the one who fears the Lord
Is this from Karl Marx?
1. We are going to take things away from you for the common good.
2. Time for a new beginning and an end to Government of the few,
for the few, by the few and replace it with shared responsibility
and shared prosperity.
3. We can't let business as usual go on, so something has to be taken
away from the people.
4. We have to build a political consensus and that requires that people
will have to give up some of their own turf to create the common good.
5. I certianly think the free market has failed.
6. It's time to send a clear message to the most proifitable sector in the
entire economy, that they are being watched.
1. 6/29/04
2. 5/29/07
3. 6/04/07
4. 6/04/07
5. 6/04/07
6. 6/04/07
All by Hillary Clinton!!!
500 Years...in 2 minutes!!!
Had clicked advanced, went downtown to get my prescription...still not loaded when I got back...so doing without!!!--------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- ----------------- This is absolutely incredible! 500 years of women's portraits in western art in 2 minutes. http://www.youtube.com/watch?...
Nuther Froggie Joke
A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog
said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three
wishes."
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed
to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish
for, your husband will get times ten!" The woman said, "That's okay."
For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the
world.
The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make
your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will
flock to". The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most
beautiful Woman and he will have eyes only for me." So, BOOM - she's the
most beautiful woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.
The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world.
And he will be ten times richer than you." The woman said, "That's okay,
because what's mine is his and what's his is mine." So, BOOM -she's the
richest woman in the world!
The frog then enquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd
like a mild heart attack."
Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.
Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop
here and continue feeling good.
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- -----
Male readers: Please scroll down.
The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife.
Moral of the story: Women are really stupid but think they are really
clever
PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this, it only goes to
show that women never listen.
Why don't you ever hear about gruntled employees?
Why don't you ever hear about gruntled employees?
Incredible Portraits
Airplane Throwing!!
I just found this awesome paper plane throwing game. Thought you might like it. Enjoy!
http://games.ninemsn.com.au/" title="http://games.ninemsn.com.au/" target="_blank"http://games.ninemsn.com.au/
After you 'throw' you usually get a 'tip' on how better to do it!!!
Once you get out the window...it does pretty good on it's own!! I really got lucky on one throw!!!
75.174m Yet my global rank was 123752
The Sound!!
A man's car broke down as he was driving past a beautiful old
monastery. He walked up the drive and knocked on the front door. A monk
answered, listened to the man's story and graciously invited him to spend
the night.
The monks fed the man and led him to a tiny chamber in which to sleep. The
man thanked the monks and slept serenely until he was awakened by a
strange and beautiful sound.
The next morning, as the monks were repairing his car, he asked about the
sound that had woke him.
"We're sorry," the monks said. "We can't tell you about the sound.
You're not a monk."
The man was disappointed, but eager to be gone, so he thanked the
monks for their kindness and went on his way. During quiet moments afterward,
the man pondered the source of the alluring sound. Several years later the
man happened to be driving in the same area He stopped at the monastery on a
whim and asked admittance. He explained to the monks that he had so enjoyed
his previous stay, he wondered if he might be permitted to spend another
night under their peaceful roof The monks agreed, and so the man stayed with
them again.
Late that night, he heard the strange beautiful sound. The following morning
he begged the monks to explain the sound. The monks gave him the same answer
as before.
"We're sorry. We can't tell you about the sound. You're not a monk."
By now the man's curiosity had turned to obsession. He decided to give up
everything and become a monk, for that was the only way he could learn about
the sound. He informed the monks of his decision and began the long and
arduous task of becoming a monk. Seventeen years later, the man was
finally established as a true member of the order.
When the celebration ended, he humbly went to the leader of the order and
asked to be told the source of the sound.
Silently, the old monk led the new monk to a huge wooden door. He opened
the door with a golden key. That door swung open to reveal a second door of
silver, then a third of gold and so on until they had passed through twelve
doors, each more magnificent than the last. The new monk's face was awash
with tears of joy as he finally beheld the wondrous source of the beautiful
mysterious sound he had heard so many years before..........
But, I can't tell you what it was. You're not a monk.
John 6:37 - - - Anyone who comes to me I will in no way reject
"Only In America"
Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
Only in America...do we award someone $3,000,000 for spilling hot coffee in their own lap.
Only in America...do we have labels on baby strollers to remind people to remove the baby before folding up the stroller...
Only in America...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions.
Only in America...do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
Only in America...do banks leave all the doors open and then chain the pens to the counters...
Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave useless junk in the garage..
Winners and Losers
The Winner is always a part of the answer; The Loser is always a part of the problem.
The Winner always has a program; The Loser always has an excuse.
The Winner says, "Let me do it for you;" The Loser says, "That's not my job."
The Winner sees an answer for every problem; The Loser sees a problem in every answer.
The Winner says, "It may be difficult but it's possible;" The Loser says, "It may be possible but it's too difficult."
"A man can no more diminish God's glory by refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word, 'darkness' on the walls of his cell." C.S Lewis
Radio Controlled Aircraft
Some really beautiful radio controlled airplanes, from a large "meet"!
I wanna a Little toy like that, hehe
http://www.largemodelassociation.com/cosford01.htm" title="http://www.largemodelassociation.com/cosford01.htm" target="_blank"http://www.largemodelassociat...
I believe U'll enjoy....
Internet Lifestyle
These days we are all some what caught in an "Internet lifestyle", so here are some things you can do in the horrific event your ISP goes down...
1. Dial 911 immediately.
2. Open the curtains to see if anything has changed over the past 2 years.
3. You mean there's something else to do?
4. Threaten your ISP with an impeachment vote.
5. Work.
6. Re-introduce yourself to your immediate family.
7. Get that kidney transplant you've been putting off.
8. See if your eyes can still focus to distances further than 3 feet.
9. Get ass groove in chair fixed at store.
10. Tylenol... Tylenol! Where the hell is the Tylenol!
11. Do shopping with clothes on.
12. Check your mail box every 15 minutes.
Great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget.
"-(¯`´&ma cr;)-"¤*¨ *¤ love to all, Vic ¤*¨*¤&q uot;-(¯`´¯ ;)-"
I don't understand the -( above....anyone want to clue me in Pls.??
Eccl 3:24 He that loves God shall obtain pardon for his sins by prayer...
1. Dial 911 immediately.
2. Open the curtains to see if anything has changed over the past 2 years.
3. You mean there's something else to do?
4. Threaten your ISP with an impeachment vote.
5. Work.
6. Re-introduce yourself to your immediate family.
7. Get that kidney transplant you've been putting off.
8. See if your eyes can still focus to distances further than 3 feet.
9. Get ass groove in chair fixed at store.
10. Tylenol... Tylenol! Where the hell is the Tylenol!
11. Do shopping with clothes on.
12. Check your mail box every 15 minutes.
Great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget.
"-(¯`´&ma cr;)-"¤*¨ *¤ love to all, Vic ¤*¨*¤&q uot;-(¯`´¯ ;)-"
I don't understand the -( above....anyone want to clue me in Pls.??
Eccl 3:24 He that loves God shall obtain pardon for his sins by prayer...
Internet Addiction!
1) I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my newspaper like I used to, before the Internet.
2) I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.
3) I will get dressed before noon.
4) I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan dinner before even thinking of the Internet.
5) I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Internet-deprived.
6) I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Internet.
7) I will read a book...if I still remember how.
8) I will listen to those around me and their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Internet.
9) I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email.
10) I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not.
11) I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my checkbook because I was too busy on the Internet.
12) Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed sometime...and the Internet will always be there tomorrow!
Joel 2:12 Return to me with your whole heart.
Crazy Facts 3
"Asthma" and "isthmi" are the only six-letter words that begin and end with a vowel and have no other vowels between.
Canada" is an Indian word meaning "Big Village".
"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".
"Duff" is the decaying organic matter found on a forest floor.
"Fickleheaded" and "fiddledeedee" are the longest words consisting only of letters in the first half of the alphabet.
"Flushable" toilets were in use in ancient Rome.
"Fortnight" is a contraction of "fourteen nights." In the US "two weeks" is more commonly used.
"Forty" is the only number which has its letters in alphabetical order. "One" is the only number with its letters in reverse alphabetical order.
"Four" is the only number whose number of letters in the name equals the number.
"Hang on Sloopy" is the official rock song of Ohio.
"Happy Birthday" was the first song to be performed in outer space, sung by the Apollo IX astronauts on March 8, 1969.
""Kemo Sabe, meaning an all knowing one, is actually a mispronunciation by Native American of the Spanish phrase, Quien lo Sabe, meaning one who knows."
The lunula is the half-moon shaped pale area at the bottom of finger nails.
"Ma is as selfless as I am" can be read the same way backwards. If you take away all the spaces you can see that all the letters can be spelled out both ways.
"Mad About You" star Paul Reiser plays the piano on the show's theme song.
"One thousand" contains the letter A, but none of the words from one to nine hundred ninety-nine has an A.
"Ough" can be pronounced in eight different ways. The following sentence contains them all: "A rough-coated, dough-faced ploughman strode through the streets of Scarborough, coughing and hiccoughing thoughtfully.
"Rhythms" is the longest English word without the normal vowels, a, e, i, o, or u.
"Second string," meaning "replacement or backup," comes from the middle ages. An archer always carried a second string in case the one on his bow broke.
Matt. 10:8 Without cost you have received; without cost you are to give.
Space Facts!
interesting...
http://www.psi.edu/sji/ed/spcfact.html" title="http://www.psi.edu/sji/ed/spcfact.html" target="_blank"http://www.psi.edu/sji/ed/spc...
Happiness
He kept trying over and over to get it, but all he could do was run around in circles.
Exhausted and frustrated, with this endless pursuit,, he eventually stopped.
And then, he discovered that if he'd just go on about his life then it would follow him wherever he went.
Life is:
Inch by inch life's a cinch
Yard by yard life is hard.
A quiet conscience sleeps in thunder
To get what
you've never had
You must do
what you've never done.
Failure is the only opportunity
to begin again more intelligently
May it be said, when the sun sets on your life....
many of your dreams came true, and.....
you made a difference in the lives of others.
Jeremiah 10:23 Lord, I know that the way of man is not in himself: it is not in man that walketh to direct his steps
Ahhh Innocense
> > > > Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her
> >
> > > >
> >
> > > > eighties and had never been married.
> >
> > > >
> >
> > > > She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon
> >
> > >the
> >
> > > > pastor came to call on her and she showed him
> >
> > > >
> >
> > > > into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she
> >
> > > > prepared tea.
> >
> > > >
> >
> > > > As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a
> >
> > > > cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and
> >
> > >in
> >
> > > > the water floated, of all things, a condom!
> >
> > > >
> >
> > > > When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor
> >
> > >tried
> >
> > > > to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater,
> >
> > >but
> >
> > > > soon it got the better of him and He could no longer resist. "Miss
> >
> > > > Beatrice", he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?"
> >
> > >pointing to
> >
> > > > the bowl. "Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful? I was walking
> >
> > >through
> >
> > > > the Park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground.
> >
> > >The
> >
> > > > directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would
> >
> > > > prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all
> >
> > > > winter."
> >
> > > >
> >
> > > > If you don't send this to five OLD friends right away there will be five
> >
> > > > fewer people smiling in the world.
> >
> > > >
Matt.10:38 He who does not take up his cross and follow me, is not worthy of me.
UFO's Anyone?
Ps. 105:3-4 Glory in his holy name; rejoice, O hearts that seek the Lord. Look to the Lord in his strength; seek to serve him constantly
Crazy Facts 2
States.
1959's A Raisin in the Sun was the first play by a black woman to be
produced on Broadway.
2 and 5 are the only prime numbers that end in 2 or 5.
203 million dollars is spent on barbed wire each year in the U.S.
22,000 checks will be deducted from the wrong bank accounts in the next
hour.
23% of all photocopier faults worldwide are caused by people sitting on
them and photocopying their buttocks.
25% of a human's bones are in its feet.
259200 people die every day.
315 words in the 1996 Webster's dictionary were mispelled.
27% of U.S. male college students believe life is "a meaningless
existential hell."
3% of all mammals are monogamous
315 entries in Webster's 1996 dictionary were misspelled.
315 words in the 1996 Webster's dictionary were mispelled.
4 tablespoons of ketchup has about the same amount of nutrition as a ripe
tomato.
40% of all people who come to a party snoop in your medicine cabinet.
40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.
43.7% of all statistics are made up right on the spot
48% of astronauts experience motion sickness.
52% of Americans drink coffee.
55.1% of all US prisoners are in prison for drug offenses.
56,000,000 people go to Major League baseball games each year
67 million pounds of pesticides and about 3 million tons of fertilizer
are used annually on lawns in the US.
78 rpm albums, used prior to 1948, were only capable of recording for
four minutes. It wasn't until later that year that Columbia Records
introduced 33 rpm albums capable of playing 23 minutes per side.
80% of animals on earth are insects.
80% of arrested criminals are male.
Psalm 98:8 Let the rivers clap their hands, the mountians shout with them
for joy.
One Day at a Time
ONE DAY AT A TIME
T he most useless thing to do.... ........Worry
The greatest Joy....................... ........Giving
The greatest loss.................................Loss of self-respect
The most satisfying work............. ...Helping others
The ugliest personality trait......................Selfishness
The most endangered species...................Dedicated leaders
The greatest "shot in the arm".................Encouragement
The greatest problem to overcome.............Fear
Most effective sleeping pill..............Peace of mind
The most crippling failure disease.........Excuses
The most powerful force in life......................Love
The most dangerous pariah.................................A gossiper
The world's most incredible computer...
.....The brain !
The worst thing to be without................... Hope
The deadliest weapon....The tongue.......
The two most power-filled words..............."I Can"
The greatest asset.................Faith
The most worthless emotion................Self-pity
The most prized possession................Integrity
The most beautiful attire...................A SMILE!
The most powerful channel of communication.....
............. ...Prayer
The most contagious spirit............ .....Enthusiasm
The most important thing in life.......
........... ........GOD
Luke 8:21 He said to them in reply, "My mother and my brothers are those who hear the word of God and act on it
------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- ------------------------- -------------------
========================= ========================= ====================
What do the following five words have in common?
Dresser
Grammar
Potato
Revive
Uneven
If you put the first letter on the end...it reads the same backwards
James 1:22 Be doers of the word and not hearers only, deluding yourselves.
The Human Mind
read it.
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdgnieg. The
phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde
Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the
ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat
ltteer be in the rghit
plcae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a
porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by
istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?
==================
when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open it's not adoor?
========================= ========================= ========================= ==============
A volcano appearing in the ocean...
Some Crazy Facts 1
Teacher's Gift
Gift for Teacher On the last day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher. The Florist's son brought Flowers. The candy-store owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy. The liquor owner's son brought up a big heavy box. The teacher lifted it up, and noticed it was leaking a little bit. The teacher touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it. "is it wine?" "No" the little boy replied. She tasted another drop and asked "Is it Champagne?" "No," said the little boy... .."I give up!" she asked "What is it?" the boy replied, "It's a puppy!"