2 EZ Weight Loss!!
I had read of Alpha Lipoic Acid as a weight loss ‘pill' several years ago, but they recommended 300 MG...and no one sold it in that high of doses...called Therapeutic.
A couple weeks ago I found it in a vitamin mag, and ordered 60 pills.
I started taking them, one at my noon meal and one with supper, changing nothing else...I eat candy after supper a lot, and had cut back a little on that having some problems because of it. First week dropped 5 pounds, 3 days later had dropped 4 more, and I wondered why the weight loss, I had forgotten about the pills I was taking!! It scared me a bit to lose so much, as I thought it might be cancer or some other baddie, until I remembered, that's why I am taking the pills!! I am going to continue taking 2 per day for another week or so, then might cut to 1 per day. Sure wouldn't mind losing 30 pounds!!! Will let you know!!!
This is a natural substance in our bodies, that decreases with age..do a google search on it, if you need more info!The Gingham Dress
Know this true story has been around a long time in the e-mail circuit!!
The Gingham Dress
>> A lady in a faded gingham dress and her husband, dressed in a homespun
>> threadbare suit, stepped off the train in Boston , and walked timidly
>> without an appointment into the Harvard University President's outer
>> office.
>>
>> The secretary could tell in a moment that such backwoods, country hicks
>> had no business at Harvard & probably didn't even deserve to be in
>> Cambridge.
>>
>> "We'd like to see the president," the man said softly.
>>
>> "He will be busy all day," the secretary snapped. "We will wait," the
>> lady replied.
>>
>> For hours the secretary ignored them, hoping that the couple would
>> finally become discouraged and go away. They didn't, and the secretary
>> grew frustrated and finally decided to disturb the president, even
>> though it was a chore she always regretted.
>>
>> "Maybe if you see them for a few minutes, they'll leave," she said to
>> him.
>>
>> He sighed in exasperation and nodded. Someone of his importance
>> obviously didn't have the time to spend with them, and he detested
>> gingham dresses and homespun suits cluttering up his outer office.
>>
>> The president, stern faced and with dignity, strutted toward the couple.
>> The lady told him "We had a son who attended Harvard for one year. He
>> loved Harvard. He was happy here. But about a year ago, he was
>> accidentally killed. My husband and I would like to erect a memorial to
>> him, somewhere on campus." The president wasn't touched. He was shocked.
>>
>> "Madam," he said, gruffly, "we can't put up a statue for every person
>> who attended Harvard and died. If we did, this place would look like a
>> cemetery."
>>
>> "Oh, no," the lady explained quickly. "We don't want to erect a statue.
>> We thought we would like to give a building to Harvard."
>>
>> The president rolled his eyes. He glanced at the gingham dress and
>> homespun suit, then exclaimed, "A building! Do you have any earthly idea
>> how much a building costs? We have over seven and a half million dollars
>> in the physical buildings here at Harvard."
>>
>> For a moment the lady was silent.
>>
>> The president was pleased. Maybe he could get rid of them now. The lady
>> turned to her husband and said quietly, "Is that all it cost to start a
>> university? Why don't we just start our own?" Her husband nodded. The
>> president's face wilted in confusion and bewilderment.
>>
>> Mr. and Mrs. Leland Stanford got up and walked away, traveling to Palo
>> Alto, California where they established the university that bears their
>> name, Stanford University, a memorial to a son that Harvard no longer
>> cared about.
>>
>> You can easily judge the character of others by how they treat those who
>> they think can do nothing for them.
>>
>> A TRUE STORY By Malcolm Forbes
THE OLD SAILOR AND MARINE
An old sailor and an old Marine were sitting at the
VFW arguing about who'd had the tougher career.
I did 30 years in the Corps," the Marine declared proudly,
"and fought in three of my country's wars.
Fresh out of boot camp
I hit the beach at Okinawa, clawed my way up the blood soaked sand,
and eventually took out an entire enemy ma chine gun nest with a single
grenade.
As a sergeant, I fought in Korea alongside General Mac Arthur.
We pushed back the enemy inch by bloody inch all the way up to the Chin-
ese border, always under a barrage of artillery and small arms fire.
Finally as a gunny sergeant, I did three consecutive combat tours in Vietnam.
We humped through the mud and razor grass for 14 hours a day, plagued
by rain and mosquitoes, ducking under sniper fire all day and mortar fire at
night, when our guns were empty, we charged the enemy with bayonets!"
"Ahhh," said the
sailor with a dismissive wave of his hand ..
"Lucky bastard! All shore duty, huh
Why men should Listen
Man driving down road.
Woman driving up same road .
They pass each other ..
The woman yells out the window, PIG!
Man yells out window, BITCH!
Man rounds next curve.
Crashes into a HUGE PIG in middle of road, and dies.
Thought For The Day : If only men would listen....
Physical Fitness Programs
Everyone gets enough exercise:
jumping to conclusions,
beating around the bush,
running down the boss,
going around in circles,
dragging their feet,
dodging responsibility,
Passing the buck,
climbing the ladder,
wading through paperwork,
pulling strings,
throwing their weight around,
stretching the truth,
bending the rules,
and pushing their luck!
Cardboard Men
When Cardboard Men Come In Handy
A car gets a flat on the interstate one day. The blonde driver eases it over
onto the shoulder of the road, carefully steps out of the car and opens the
trunk. She takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the
rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic.
The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies
and private parts to approaching drivers.
Not surprisingly, the traffic becomes snarled and backed up.
It isn't very long before a police car arrives. The officer, clearly
enraged, approaches the blonde of the disabled vehicle
yelling, "What's going on here?"
"My car br oke down, officer" says the w oman calmly.
"Well, what the hell are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the
road?" he asks.
"Helllooooooo!!!!&qu ot; says the blonde. "Those are my emergency flashers!"
Really fast!
Kind of old hat...was around as happening in Europe the first time, but nice story!!
& nbsp; &n bsp; &nb sp; Two California Highway Patrol Officers were conducting speeding enforcement on I-15, North of MCAS Miramar. One of the officers was using a hand held radar device to check speeding vehicles approaching near the crest of a hill. The officers were suddenly surprised when the radar gun began reading 300 miles per hour. The officer attempted to reset the radar gun, but it would not reset and turned off. Just then a deafening roar over the treetops revealed that the radar had in fact locked onto a USMC F/A-18 Hornet which was engaged in a low flying exercise near the location. Back at the CHP Headquarters the Patrol Captain fired off a complaint to the USMC Base Commander.
Back came a reply in true USMC style: Thank you for the message, which allows us to complete
the file on this incident. You may be interested to know that the tactical computer in the Hornet had
detected the presence of, and subsequently locked onto your hostile radar equipment and automatically sent a jamming signal back to it. & nbsp;
F urthermore, an air to ground missile aboard the fully armed aircraft had also automatically locked onto your equipment.
F ortunately the Marine Pilot flying the Hornet recognized the situation for what it was, quickly responded to the missile system alert status and was able to override the automated defense system before the missile was launched and your hostile radar was destroyed.
Thank you for your concerns and your continued interest in preserving Democracy.
Global Warming???
Are the world's ice caps melting because of climate change, or are the
>reports just a lot of scare mongering by the advocates of the global
>warming theory?
>Scare mongering appears to be the case, according to reports from the U.S.
>National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) that reveal that
>almost all the allegedly "lost" ice has come back. A NOAA report shows that
>ice levels which had shrunk from 5 million square miles in January 2007 to
>just 1.5 million square miles in October, are almost back to their original
>levels.
>Moreover, a Feb. 18 report in the London Daily Express showed that there is
>nearly a third more ice in Antarctica than usual, challenging the global
>warming crusaders and buttressing arguments of skeptics who deny that the
>world is undergoing global warming.
>The Daily express recalls the photograph of polar bears clinging on to a
>melting iceberg which has been widely hailed as proof of the need to fight
>climate change and has been used by former Vice President Al Gore during
>his "Inconvenient Truth" lectures about mankind's alleged impact on the
>global climate.
>Gore fails to mention that the photograph was taken in the month of August
>when melting is normal. Or that the polar bear population has soared in
>recent years.
>As winter roars in across the Northern Hemisphere, Mother Nature seems to
>have joined the ranks of the skeptics.
>As the Express notes, scientists are saying the northern Hemisphere has
>endured its coldest winter in decades, adding that snow cover across the
>area is at its greatest since 1966. The newspaper cites the one exception -
>Western Europe, which had, until the weekend when temperatures plunged to
>as low as -10 C in some places, been basking in unseasonably warm weather.
>Around the world, vast areas have been buried under some of the heaviest
>snowfalls in decades. Central and southern China, the United States, and
>Canada were hit hard by snowstorms. In China, snowfall was so heavy that
>over 100,000 houses collapsed under the weight of snow.
>Jerusalem, Damascus, Amman, and northern Saudi Arabia report the heaviest
>falls in years and below-zero temperatures. In Afghanistan, snow and
>freezing weather killed 120 people. Even Baghdad had a snowstorm, the first
>in the memory of most residents.
>AFP news reports icy temperatures have just swept through south China,
>stranding 180,000 people and leading to widespread power cuts just as the
>area was recovering from the worst weather in 50 years, the government said
>Monday. The latest cold snap has taken a severe toll in usually temperate
>Yunnan province, which has been struck by heavy snowfalls since Thursday, a
>government official from the provincial disaster relief office told AFP.
>Twelve people have died there, state Xinhua news agency reported, and four
>remained missing as of Saturday.
>An ongoing record-long spell of cold weather in Vietnam's northern region,
>which started on Jan. 14, has killed nearly 60,000 cattle, mainly bull and
>buffalo calves, local press reported Monday. By Feb. 17, the spell had
>killed a total of 59,962 cattle in the region, including 7,349 in the Ha
>Giang province, 6,400 in Lao Cai, and 5,571 in Bac Can province, said Hoang
>Kim Giao, director of the Animal Husbandry Department under the Vietnamese
>Ministry of Agriculture and Rural Development, according to the Pioneer
>newspaper.
>In Britain the temperatures plunged to -10 C in central England, according
>to the Express, which reports that experts say that February could end up
>as one of the coldest in Britain in the past 10 years with the freezing
>night-time conditions expected to stay around a frigid -8 C until at least
>the middle of the week. And the BBC reports that a bus company's efforts to
>cut global warming emissions have led to services being disrupted by cold
>weather.
>Meanwhile Athens News reports that a raging snow storm that blanketed most
>of Greece over the weekend and continued into the early morning hours on
>Monday, plunging the country into sub-zero temperatures. The agency
>reported that public transport buses were at a standstill on Monday in the
>wider Athens area, while ships remained in ports, public services remained
>closed, and schools and courthouses in the more severely-stricken
>prefectures were also closed.
>Scores of villages, mainly on the island of Crete, and in the prefectures
>of Evia, Argolida, Arcadia, Lakonia, Viotia, and the Cyclades islands were
>snowed in.
>More than 100 villages were snowed-in on the island of Crete and
>temperatures in Athens dropped to -6 C before dawn, while the coldest
>temperatures were recorded in Kozani, Grevena, Kastoria and Florina, where
>they plunged to -12 C.
>Temperatures in Athens dropped to -6 C before dawn, while the coldest
>temperatures were recorded in Kozani, Grevena, Kastoria and Florina, where
>they plunged to -12 C.
>If global warming gets any worse we'll all freeze to death.
Faster Log in!!
I have noticed that after putting in my password, hitting Return, instead of clicking the Login button, almost always gets you in immediately....Give it a and let us know you're experience!!!
Why we love Children
1) NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"
2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."
3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."
4) MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a lit tle boy before?"
5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary schoo l, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?"
"Yes," I answered and continued writing the report.
"My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?"
"Yes, that's right," I told her.
"Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"
6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. "Is that a dog you got back there?" he asked.
"It sure is," I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?"
7) ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"
8) DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit."
"And why not, darling?"
"You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning. "
9) DEATH
While walking along the sidew alk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.
The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: "Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes."
10) SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!"
11) BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
"Mama, look what I found," the boy called out.
"What have you got there, dear?"
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!"
Luke 12:8 I tell you, everyone who acknowledges me before others the Son of Man will acknowledge before the angels of God.
Giving Up Wine /Women's Revenge
I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.
I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, 'If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?'
'No, I had to stop drinking years ago', the homeless woman told me.
'Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?' I asked.
'No, I don't waste time shopping,' the homeless woman said. 'I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.'
'Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?' I asked.
'Are you NUTS!' replied the homeless woman. I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!'
'Well, I said, 'I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight.'
The homeless Woman was shocked. 'Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.'
I said, 'That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine.'
Why we love children
Why we love Children & nbsp; &n bsp; &nb sp; &nbs p; ; & nbsp; &n bsp; &nb sp; &nbs p;
1) NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"
2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."
3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."
4) MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a lit tle boy before?"
5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary schoo l, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?"
"Yes," I answered and continued writing the report.
"My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?"
"Yes, that's right," I told her.
"Well, then," she said as she extended her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"
6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. "Is that a dog you got back there?" he asked.
"It sure is," I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?"
7) ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"
8) DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit."
"And why not, darling?"
"You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning. "
9) DEATH
While walking along the sidew alk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.
The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: "Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes."
10) SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!"
11) BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
"Mama, look what I found," the boy called out.
"What have you got there, dear?"
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!"
Luke 12:8 I tell you, everyone who acknowledges me before others the Son of Man will acknowledge before the angels of God.
From Grand Kids
Out of the mouths of Grand Kids
She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter as she'd done many times before. After she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, 'But Gramma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!'
#####
My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, '62.'
He was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, 'Did you start at 1?'
#####
After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, 'Who was THAT?'
#####
A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like: 'We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods.'
The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, 'I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!'
#####
My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, 'Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?' I mentally polished my halo while I asked, 'No, how are we alike?'
'You're both old,' he replied.
#####
A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word processor. She told him she was writing a story. 'What's it about?' he asked. 'I don't know,' she replied. 'I can't read.'
#####
I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me and was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued.
At last she headed for the door, saying sagely, 'Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these yourself!'
#####
When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, 'It's no use, Grandpa. The mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights.'
#####
When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, 'I'm not sure.'
'Look in your underwear, Grandpa,' he advised. 'mine says I'm four to six.'
#####
A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, 'Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today.'
The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. 'That's interesting,' she said, 'how do you make babies?'
'It's simple,' replied the girl. 'You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'.'
#####
Children's Logic: 'Give me a sentence about a public servant,' said a teacher. The small boy wrote: 'The fireman came down the ladder pregnant.' The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. 'Don't you know what pregnant means?' she asked. 'Sure,' said the young boy confidently. 'It means carrying a child.'
#####
A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties.
'They use him to keep crowds back,' said one child.
'No,' said another, 'he's just for good luck.'
A third child brought the argument to a close. 'They use the dogs,' she said firmly, 'to find the fire hydrants...
When Insults had Class
These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words .
The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison." He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."
A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease." "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."
"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill
"A modest little person, with much to be modest about." - Winston Churchill
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." Clarence Darrow
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" - Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas
"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." - Abraham Lincoln
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response.
"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop
"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb
"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson
"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating
"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." - Jack E. Leonard
"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge." - Thomas Brackett Reed
"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand
"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker
"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde
"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather an illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx
MEMORY LANE
A little house with three bedrooms and one car on the street,
A mower that you had to push to make the grass look neat.
In the kitchen on the wall we only had one phone,
And no need for recording things someone was always home.
We only had a living room where we would congregate,
Unless it was at meal time in the kitchen where we ate.
We had no need for family rooms or extra rooms to dine,
When meeting as a family those two rooms would work out fine.
We only had one TV set and channels maybe two,
But always there was one of them with something worth the view.
For snacks we had potato chips that tasted like a chip,
And if you wanted flavor there was Lawson's onion dip.
Store bought snacks were rare because my mother liked to cook,
And nothing can compare to snacks in Betty Crocker's Cookbook.
The snacks were even healthy with the best ingredients,
There was no label with a hundred things that made no sense.
Weekends were for family trips or staying home to play,
We all did things together almost every single day.
When we did our weekend trips depending on the weather,
No one stayed at home because we liked to be together.
Sometimes we would separate to do things on our own,
But we knew where the others were without our own cell phone.
Then there was the movies with your favorite movie star,
And nothing can compare to watching movies in your car.
Then there were the picnics at the peak of summer season,
Pack a lunch and find some trees and never need a reason.
Get a baseball game together with the friends you know,
Have real action playing ball and no game video.
Remember when the doctor used to be the family friend,
And didn't need insurance or a lawyer to defend,
The way that he took care of you or what he had to do,
Because he took an oath and strived to do the best for you.
Remember going to the store and shopping casually,
And when you went to pay for it you used your own money.
Nothing that you had to swipe or punch in some amount,
Remember when the cashier person had to really count?
Remember when we breathed the air it smelled so fresh and clean,
And chemicals were not used on the grass to keep it green.
The milkman and the bread man used to go from door to door,
And it was just a few cents more than going to the store.
There was a time when mailed letters came right to your door,
Without a lot of junk mail ads sent out by every store.
The mailman knew each house by name and knew where it was sent,
There was not loads of mail addressed to present occupant.
Remember when the words "I do" meant that you really did,
And not just temporally till someone blows their lid.
There was no thing as no one's fault; we just made a mistake,
There was a time when married life was built on give and take.
There was a time when just one glance was all that it would take,
And you would know the kind of car, the model and the make.
They didn't look like turtles trying to squeeze every mile,
They were streamlined, white walls and fins and really had some style.
One time the music that you played when ever you would jive,
Was from a vinyl, big holed record called a forty-five
The record player had a post to keep them all in line,
And then the records would drop down and play one at a time.
Oh sure we had our problems then just like we do today,
And always we were striving trying for a better way.
And every year that passed us by brought new and greater things,
We now can even program phones with music or with rings.
Oh the simple life we lived still seems like so much fun,
How can you explain a game, just kick the can and run.
And why would boys put baseball cards between bicycle spokes,
And for a nickel red machines had little bottled cokes.
This life seemed so much easier and slower in some ways,
I love the new technology but I sure miss those days.
So time moves on and so do we and nothing stays the same,
But I sure love to reminisce and walk down Memory Lane.
Forget About Counting Your Days,
Just . . . make Your Days Count!
Love
Freda Bright says, "Only in opera do people die of love."
It's true.
You really can't love somebody to death.
I've known people to die from no love, but I've
never known anyone to be loved to death.
We just can't love one another enough.
A heart-warming story tells of a woman who finally
decided to ask her boss for a raise in salary.
All day she felt nervous and apprehensive.
Late in the afternoon she summoned the courage to approach
her employer. To her delight, the boss agreed to a raise.
The woman arrived home that evening to a beautiful table set
with their best dishes. Candles were softly glowing.
Her husband had come home early and prepared a festive meal.
She wondered if someone from the office had tipped him off.
Or did he just somehow know that she would not get turned down?
She found him in the kitchen and told him the good news.
They embraced and kissed, then sat down to the wonderful meal.
Next to her plate the woman found a beautifully lettered note.
It read:
"Congratulations, darling! I knew you'd get the raise!
These things will tell you how much I love you."
Following the supper, her husband went into the kitchen to clean up.
She noticed that a second card had fallen from his pocket.
Picking it off the floor, she read: "Don't worry about not getting the raise!
You deserve it anyway! These things will tell you how much I love you."
Someone has said that the measure of love is when you love without measure.
What this man feels for his spouse is total acceptance and love, whether she
succeeds or fails.
His love celebrates her victories and soothes her wounds.
He stands with her, no matter what life throws in their direction.
He may say that he loves her to death.
But he doesn't. He loves her to LIFE.
For his love nourishes her life like nothing else can.
Upon receiving the Nobel Peace Prize, Mother Teresa said: "What can you do to promote
world peace? Go home and love your family."
And love your friends. Love them without measure. Love them to LIFE.
Steve Goodier
Tooo Funnnny
When I was a baby, someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a gift
and it was one of my favorite toys. Daddy was in the living room
engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of
'tea,' which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of
praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home. My Dad made her
wait in the living room to watch his little princess bring him a cup of
tea, because it was, "just the cutest thing!" My Mom waited, and sure
enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and
she watches him drink it up, then says, "Did it ever occur to you that
the only place that baby can reach to get water is the toilet???"
Ahhhh Yummmy Tea!!
Why, Why, Why,
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?
Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough money?
Why does someone
believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
If people evolved from apes,
why are there still apes?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Is there ever a day that mattresses
are not on sale?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That really hurt, why don't you watch where you're going?"
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
And m y FAVORITE......
The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons are suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.
****A day without a smile is like a day without sunshine!****
HOW LONG
HOW LONG DOES THE USA REALLY HAVE ?
This is the most interesting thing I've read in a long time. The sad thing about it, one can see it coming.
I have always heard about this democracy countdown. It is interesting to see it 'laid out' in print. God help us, not that we deserve it. (H.T. - Harvard))
How Long Do We Have?
About the time our original thirteen states adopted their new constitution in 1787, Alexander Tyler, a Scottish history professor at the University of Edinburgh, had this to say about the fall of the Athenian Republic some 2,000 years earlier:
'A democracy is always temporary in nature; it simply cannot exist as a permanent form of government.'
'A democracy will continue to exist up until the time that voters discover they can vote themselves generou s gifts from the public treasury.'
'From that moment on, the majority always vote for the candidates who promise the most benefits from the public treasury, with the result that every democracy will finally collapse due to loose fiscal policy, which is always followed by a dictatorship.'
'The average age of the world's greatest civilizations from the beginning of history, has been about 200 years'
'During those 200 years, those
nations always progressed through the following sequence:
1. >From bondage to spiritual faith;
2. >From spiritual faith to great courage;
3. >From courage to liberty;
4. >From liberty to abundance;
5. >From abundance to complacency;
6. >From complacency to apathy;
7. >From apathy to dependence;
8. >From dependence back into bondage'
Professor Joseph Olson of Hemline University School of Law, St. Paul, Minnesota, points out some interesting facts concerning the 2000 Presidential election:
Number of States won by:
Gore: 19
Bush: 29
Square miles of land won by:
Gore: 580,000
Bush: 2,427,000
Population of counties won by:
Gore: 127 million
Bush: 143 million
Murder rate per 100,000 residents in counties won by:
Gore: 13.2
Bush: 2.1
Professor Olson adds: 'In aggregate, the map of the territory Bush won was mostly the land owned by the taxpaying citizens of this great country.
Gore's territory mostly encompassed those citizens living in government-owned tenements and living off various forms of government welfare...' Olson believes the United States is now somewhere between the 'complacency and apathy' phase of Professor Tyler's definition of democracy, with some forty percent of the nation's population already having reached the 'governmental dependency' phase.
If Congress grants amnesty and citizenship to twenty million criminal invaders called Illegal Aliens, and they vote, then we can say goodbye to the USA as we knew it, in fewer than ten more years.
We al have a great deal at stake, knowing that apathy is the greatest danger to our freedom.
MEN Are like---
MEN==MEN==MEN
For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free. Here's an update for you: Now days, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.
Men are like....
1. Men are like .. Laxatives . They irritate the crap out of you.
2. Men are like.. Bananas The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like.. Weather Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like .. Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like .. Chocolate Bars Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like .. Commercials ..... You can't believe a word they say.
7. Men are like Department Stores Their clothes are always 1/2 off!
8. Men are like .. Government Bonds .... They take soooo long to mature.
9 . Men are like .. Mascara They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like Popcorn..They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like Snowstorms.. You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like Lava Lamps.. Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like Parking Spots.. All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.
RED SKELTON
RED SKELTON'S RECIPE
FOR A PERFECT MARRIAGE
1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a
little beverage, good food and companionship
She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in California, and mine is in Texas.
3. I take my wife everywhere....
but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go
for our anniversary.
'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said.
So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric
toaster and electric bread maker.
She said 'There are too many gadgets, and no place
to sit down!' So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well
because there was water in the carburetor.
I asked where the car was. She told me, 'In the lake.'
8. She got a mud pack, and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, 'Am I too late
for the garbage?' The driver said, 'No, jump in!
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her
first name was Always.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months
I don't like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though.
My wife asked, 'What's on the TV?'
I said, 'Dust!'
Can't you just hear him say all of these? I love it........these were the good old days
when humor didn't have to start with a four letter word
It was just clean and simple fun.
And he always ended his programs with the words, ' God Bless'
A Good Wife
An elderly couple were having dinner one evening when the husband reached
across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said , "Martha, soon we
will be married 50 years and there's something I have to know. In all of
these 50 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"
Martha replied, "Well, Henry, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I've been
unfaithful to you three times during these 50 years, but always for a good
reason.
Henry was obviously hurt by his wife's confession, but said, "I never
suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by 'good reasons?'"
Martha said, "The first time was shortly after we were married, and we
were about to lose our little house because we couldn't pay the mortgage.
Do you remember that one evening I went to see the banker and the next day
he notified you that the loan would be extended?"
Henry recalled the visit to the banker and said, "I can forgive you for
that. You saved our home, but what about the second time?"
Martha asked, "And do you remember when you were so sick, but we didn't
have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? Well, I went to
see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery at no
charge."
"I recall that," said Henry. "And you did it to save my life, so I of
course I can forgive you for that. Now tell me about the third time."
"Alright," Martha said. "So do you remember when you ran for president of
your golf club, and you needed 73 more votes?"
A BIG Thanks!!!
I want to thank all of you folks who have commented on my blog since last Dec.
Sorry, but I've been away and just got back today, I appreciate all your comments but am afraid they might be a little dated to try and give answer on them.
Just want you to know I'm back and will try to be much more prompt with reply's to comments and messages!!
Thanks to all who made those comments and messages!! Love you!!!!
Life Explained
& nbsp; &n bsp; &nb sp; &nbs p; On the first day, God created the dog and said:
'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.'
The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?'
So God agreed.
On the second day, God created the monkey and said:
'Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span.'
The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?'
And God agreed.
On the third day, God created the cow and said:
'You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.'
The cow said: 'That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?'
And God agreed again.
On the fourth day, God created man and said:
'Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years.'
But man said: 'Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten
the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?'
'Okay,' said God, 'You asked for it.'
So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you.