Italian mother
Mrs. Ravioli comes to visit her son Anthony for dinner...
who lives with a female roommate Maria...
During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Anthony's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two,and this had only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact,
she started to wonder if there was more between Anthony and his roommate than met the eye. Reading his moms thoughts, Anthony volunteered, 'I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Maria and I are just roommates.'
About a week later, Maria came to Anthony saying, 'Ever since your
mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl.
You don't suppose she took it, do you?'
Well, I doubt it, but I'll e-mail her, just to be sure.' So he sat down and wrote;
Dear Momma,
I'm not saying that you did take the sugar bowl from my
house, and I'm not saying that you did not take it. But the fact
remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love,
Anthony
Several days later, Anthony received a response e-mail from
his Momma which read.......
Dear Son,
I'm not saying that you do sleep with Maria, and I'm not
saying that you do not sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the sugar
bowl by now.
Love,
Momma.
Lesson: Never lie to your momma!!
Blondes & Hiway Patrol
Blondes And The
Oklahoma
Highway Patrol
Our three blondes were applying for the last available position on
the Oklahoma Highway Patrol.
The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of
them and said, "You know these are TUFF times, and we mean
business around here. So y'all want to be a cop, eh?"
The detective got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a file
folder. Sitting back down, he opened it up and pulled out a picture,
and said, "To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must
be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities
such as scars, etc".
He stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it
after about 2 seconds. "Now, he said, "Did you notice any
distinguishing features about the man?"
The blonde immediately said! "Yes, I did. He has only one eye!"
The detective shook his head and said, "Of course he has only one
eye in this picture! It's a profile of his face! You're dismissed!"
The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.
The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in
her face for 2 seconds, pulled it back and said, "What about you?
Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?"
Yes! He only has one ear!"
The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.
The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde,
Tamara, and said, "This is probably a waste of time, but...." He
lashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it,
saying, "All right. Did you notice anything distinguishing or
unusual about this man?"
The blonde said, "I did. This man wears contact lenses."
The detective frowned, took another look at the picture and began
looking at some of the papers in the folder. He looked up at the
blonde with a puzzled expression and said,
"You're absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the
world could you tell that by looking at this picture?"
Tamara rolled her eyes and said, "Duh! With only one eye and one
ear, he certainly can't wear glasses."
Baruch 3:13 For if you had walked in the way of God, you had surely dwealt in peace forever.
Snotty Receptionist
An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who
shared offices with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled
with patients.
As he approached the receptionist's desk, he noticed that the
receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo
wrestler. He gave her his name.
In a very loud voice, the receptionist said,
'YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE;
YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?'
All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around
to look at the very embarrassed man.
He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied,
'NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION,
BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS.'
DON'T MESS WITH OLD FOLKS.
100% Skin Cancer Cure
SPECIAL EXPOSE |
Could a true cancer cure with a 100%
success rate get COVERED UP?
Even if it has 100,000 success stories
and a 26 year track record?
Dear Health-conscious Friend:
Would you believe that an extract from eggplant could cure -- that's cure, not just improve -- the majority of non-melanoma skin cancers (squamous and basal cell cancers), usually in three months or less? This may seem like an outrageous claim, but researchers have known about these incredible results for over 20 years!
It might have remained a secret for another two decades if award-winning doctor Jonathan Wright, M.D. hadn't published the research -- and dared tell the truth: It's a cure! Just look at the proof:
'It's a cure!' -- straight
from Royal London Hospital's double-blind, placebo
controlled study
Using a form of eggplant extract called BEC5, doctors treated both invasive and non-invasive non-melanoma skin cancers. The results were equal to those resulting from invasive surgery, minus the scars. And doctors concluded:
'In our view and experience, BEC5 is...safe and effective...it is a cost-effective treatment for both primary and secondary skin cancer.'
Even more importantly, follow-up research on patients who used BEC5 shows once their cancer went away, it did not recur.
But that's just the tip of the iceberg. You'll hear how careful patient records kept since the 1980's show...
Success in 100,000 cases
with ZERO return of
the cancer!
Over 100,000 patients have used it successfully. Microscopic analysis consistently shows death of all cancer cells. Better yet, no cancer has ever returned.
Best of all, BEC5 does not kill any healthy human cells. With microscopic precision, it selects and eliminates only the cancer cells. Healthy cells are not affected in any way by the treatment.
A major breakthrough?
You bet!
More than a million new cases of non-melanoma skin cancer will be diagnosed in the U.S. this year alone.
Yet this same eggplant breakthrough is so safe and effective, it can even be used cosmetically -- to eradicate age spots, sun spots and 'pre-cancers' called actinic keratoses.
It's non-invasive, non-toxic and so easy to use, you can do it at home. Simple as smoothing on skin cream.
So how did our
mighty medical press
miss this one?
How come you never saw anything about it...not in magazines...not on TV...not even on the internet?
News Paper Meanings
Demographics of American Newspapers
1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.
2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.
3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the
country and who are very good at crossword puzzles.
4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country, but
don't really understand The New York Times. They do, however, like their
statistics shown in pie charts.
5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the
country-if they could find the time-and if they didn't have to leave
Southern California to do it.
6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country.
7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's
running the country and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on
the train.
8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who is running the
country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while
intoxicated, and who like their news as pictures and/or cartoons.
9. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country, but
need the baseball scores.
10. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure if there
is a country or that anyone is running it; but if so, they oppose all that
they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are
handicapped minority feminist atheist dwarfs who also happen to be illegal
aliens from any other country or galaxy, provided, of course, that they are
not Republicans.
11. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery
store.
12. The Seattle Times is read by people who have recently caught a fish and
need something in which to wrap it.
Let us go to Jesus with great confidence every time we sin.
HUMOR FOR LEXOPHILES
HUMOR FOR LEXOPHILES (LOVERS OF WORDS)
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then
it hit me.
Police were called to a day care where a 3-yr-old was
resisting a rest.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was
cut off? He's all right now.
The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was
Sir Cumference.
To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a
small medium at large.
A thief who stole a calendar got 12 months.
A thief fell & broke his leg in wet cement. He became
a hardened criminal.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles , U.C.L.A.
The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
A dentist & a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
A will is a dead giveaway.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
A backward poet writes inverse.
In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in
feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
If you don't pay your exorcist you can get
repossessed.
Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft & I'll show
you A-flat miner.
The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully
recovered.
A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France ,
resulted in LinoleumBlownapart.
You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
A calendar's days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint
mine.
A boiled egg is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory which was never
developed.
Those who get too big for their britches will be
exposed in the end.
When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a
mall.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she
thought she'd dye.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture: a jab well done.
That which above all should inspire us with veneration for the holy angels Is their un-swerving loyalty to God.
Good Giggle
1) NUDITY I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!' 2) OPINIONS On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.' 3) KETCHUP A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle.' 4) MORE NUDITY A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?' 5) POLICE # 1 While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?' 6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked.
'It sure is,' I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van n. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?' 7) ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by t he various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'
8) DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.'
'And why not, darling?'
'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.'
9) DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.
The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole hegoooes.' (I want this line used at my funeral!)
10) SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!'
11) BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out.
'What have you got there, dear?'
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!' IF THIS DIDN'T BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY, GO BACK TO BED AND FORGET IT To approach God one should go straight to him, like a ball shot out of a cannon
Being Politically Correct!!
Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America, Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as?
'HILLBILLIES.'?
You must now refer to us as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.?
And furthermore ....?
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:?
1. She is not a 'BABE' or a 'CHICK' - She is a
'BREASTED AMERICAN.'?
2. She is not a 'SCREAMER' or a 'MOANER' - She is 'VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.'?
3. She is not 'EASY' - She is 'HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.'?
4. She is not a 'DUMB BLONDE' - She is a 'LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.'?
5. She has not 'BEEN AROUND' - She is a 'PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.'?
?6. She is not an 'AIRHEAD' - She is 'REALITY?
IMPAIRED.'?
7. She does not get 'DRUNK' or 'TIPSY' -?
She gets 'CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED'?
8. She does not have 'BREAST IMPLANTS' - She is 'MEDICALLY ENHANCED.'?
9. She does not 'NAG' you - She becomes 'VERBALLY REPETITIVE.'
10. She is not a 'TRAMP' - She is 'SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.'?
11. She does not have 'MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS' - She is 'PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.'?
12 She is not a 'TWO-BIT HOOKER' - She is a 'LOW COST PROVIDER.'?Love this one?
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:?
1. He does not have a 'BEER GUT' - He has developed a 'LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.'?
2. He is not a 'BAD DANCER'- He is 'OVERLY CAUCASIAN.'?
3. He does not 'GET LOST ALL THE TIME' - He 'INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.'?
4. He is not 'BALDING' - He is in 'FOLLICLE REGRESSION.'?
5. He is not a 'CRADLE ROBBER' - He prefers 'GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.'?
6.. He does not get 'FALLING-DOWN DRUNK' - He becomes 'ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.'?
7. He does not act like a 'TOTAL ASS' - He develops a case of 'RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.'?
8 He is not a 'MALE CHAUVINIST PIG' - He has 'SWINE EMPATHY.'?
9. He is not afraid of 'COMMITMENT' - He is 'RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED.'?
10. He is not 'HORNY' - He is 'SEXUALLY FOCUSED.'?
11. It's not his 'CRACK' you see hanging out of his pants - It's 'REAR CLEAVAGE '?
Please use your best judgment when referring to these people, so as to make it more comfortable for the rest of us.
We go astray like sheep each going his own way.
THE BLONDE AND THE LORD..........
A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally getting all the necessary tools together, she made for the ice.
After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed,
'THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.'
Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of cappuccino, and began to cut yet another hole. Again from the heavens the voice bellowed,
'THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.'
The blonde, now worried, moved away, clear down to the opposite end of the ice. She set up her stool once more and tried again to cut her hole.
The voice came once more,
'THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.'
She stopped, looked skyward, and said,
'IS THAT YOU LORD?'
The voice replied,
'NO, THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE HOCKEY RINK.............
We go astray like sheep each going his own way.
Too much hootchie pop??
- Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't hve
- The other car collided with mine without giving warning of it's intention.
- I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when I put my head through it.
- I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
- A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.
- A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
- The guy was all over the road, I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
- I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment.
- I attempted to kill a fly, and I drove into a telephone pole.
- I had been shopping for plants all day, and was on my way home. As I reached the intersection, a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.
- I had been driving for forty years, when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
- I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble and my universal joint gave way, causing me to have an accident.
- As I approached the intersection, a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.
- To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.
- My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.
- An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished. (Gotta look out for those invisible cars!!)
- I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat, found that I had a fractured skull.
- I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him. (Gotta help them along!)
- The pedestrian had no idea which way to run, so I ran over him.
- I saw a slow moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car.
- In indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.
- I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray dogs.
- The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of it's way when it struck my front end.
Let us go to Jesus with great confidence every time we sin.
The Hockey Player
The Detroit Red Wings foreign scout flies to Baghdad to watch a young Iraqi play hockey in the new American sponsored league and is suitably impressed and arranges for him to come over to the US.
Ken Holland signs him to a one year contract and the kid joins the team for the preseason. Two weeks later the Wings are down 4-0 to the Blackhawks with only 10 minutes left. Mike Babcock gives the young Iraqi the nod and he goes in. The kid is a sensation - scores 5 goals in 10 minutes and wins the game for Wings! The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and the media love the new star.
When the player comes off the ice he phones his mom to tell her about his first day of NHL hockey. 'Hello mom, guess what?' he says in an Iraqi accent. 'I played for 10 minutes today, we were 4-0 down, but I scored 5 goals and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the media, they all love me.'
Wonderful,' says his mom, 'Let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot in the street and robbed, your sister and I were ambushed, raped and beaten and your brother has joined a gang of looters, and all while you were having such great time.'
The young Iraqi is very upset. 'What can I say mom, but I'm so sorry.'
'Sorry? You're Sorry?' says his mom, 'It's your fault we moved to Detroit in the first place.'
Politicians
By Charlie Reese --
Politicians are the only people in the world who create problems and then campaign against them.
Have you ever wondered why, if both the Democrats and the Republicans are against deficits, why have deficits?
Have you ever wondered why, if all the politicians are against inflation and high taxes, we have inflation and high taxes?
You and I don't propose a federal budget. The president does.
You and I don't have the Constitutional authority to vote on appropriations. The House of Representatives does.
You and I don't write the tax code, Congress does.
You and I don't set fiscal policy, Congress does.
You and I don't control monetary policy, the Federal Reserve Bank does. They are answerable to no one!
One hundred senators, 435 congressmen, one president, and nine Supreme Court justices -- 545 human beings out of the 300 million -- are directly, legally, morally, and individually responsible for the domestic problems that plague this country.
I excluded the members of the Federal Reserve Board because that problem was created by the Congress. In 1913, Congress delegated its Constitutional duty to provide a sound currency to a federally chartered, but private, central bank.
I excluded all the special interests and lobbyists for a sound reason. They have no legal authority. They have no ability to coerce a senator, a congressman, or a president to do one cotton-picking thing. I don't care if they offer a politician $1 million dollars in cash. The politician has the power to accept or reject it. No matter what the lobbyist promises, it is the legisla tor's responsibility to determine how he votes.
Those 545 human beings spend much of their energy convincing you that what they did is not their fault. They cooperate in this common con regardless of party.
What separates a politician from a normal human being is an excessive amount of gall. No normal human being would have the gall of a Speaker, who stood up and criticized the President for creating deficits. The president can only propose a budget. He cannot force the Congress to accept it.
The Constitution, which is the supreme law of the land, gives sole responsibility to the House of Representatives for originating and approving appropriations and taxes. Who is the speaker of the House? She is the leader of the majority party.
She and fellow House members, not the president, can approve any budget they want. If the president vetoes it, they can pass it over his veto if they agree to.
It seems inconceivable to me that a nation of 300 million can not replace 545 people who stand convicted -- by present facts -- of incompetence and irresponsibility. I can't think of a single domestic problem that is not traceable directly to those 545 people. When you fully grasp the plain truth that 545 people exercise the po wer of the federal government, then it must follow that what exists is what they want to exist.
If the tax code is unfa i r, it's because they want it unfair.
If the budget is in the red, it's because they want it in the red. If the Marines are in IRAQ, it's because they want them in IRAQ. If they do not receive social security but are on an elite retirement plan not available to the people, it's because they want it that way. There are no insoluble government problems.
Do not let these 545 people shift the blame to bureaucrats, whom they hire and whose jobs they can abolish; to lobbyists, whose gifts and advice they can reject; to regulators, to whom they give the power to regulate and from whom they can take this power. Above all, do not let them con you into the belief that there exists disembodied mystical forces like "the economy," "inflation," or "politics" that prevent them from doing what they take an oath to do.
Those 545 people, and they alone, are responsible.
They, and they alone, have the power.
They, and they alone, should be held accountable by the people who are their bosses -- provided the voters have the gumption to manage their own employees.
We should vote all of them out of office a nd clean up their mess!
Charlie Reese is a former columnist of the Orlando Sentinel Newspaper
& nbsp; &n bsp; &nb sp; &nbs p; We are and always have been one in God
Killer Soda Pop
If you have a problem with mice or rats, one way to get rid of them is with soda pop. Mice and rats lack the ability to burp. You can use this to your advantage. Simply pour Pepsi or Coke into a shallow dish, and place the dish near where the mice ... |
U.S. Bully's Africa!!!
US Bullies Africa which Shouts "NO! To Unlabeled GMOs!"
You Are Glad We Are Here at Codex.
The US Is Definitely Not!
US Bullies Africa on GM Labeling, Africa's Had Enough
The US outdid itself at this Codex meeting. It actually bullied another country into withdrawing its submission because the paper South Africa submitted in favor of Mandatory GM Labeling was so strong and under cut the US position that no labeling should ever be permitted. South Africa is a sovereign nation, with its own concerns, laws and issues, but it was forced by US bullying to rescind its submission because of the international tantrum that the US threw.
THE BOTTLE OF WINE
THE BOTTLE OF WINE
For all of us who are married, were married, wish
you were married, or wish you weren't married, this
is something to smile about the next time you see a
bottle of wine:
Sally was driving home from one of her business
trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly
Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.
As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped
the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like
a ride.
With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into
the car.
Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make
a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old
woman just sat silently, looking intently at
everything she saw, studying every little detail,
until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to
Sally.
'What in bag?' asked the old woman.
Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, 'It's
a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband.'
The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or
two.
Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder,
she said:
'Good trade.....'
Computer Genius
I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Eric, the 11 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control and asked him to come over. Eric clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.
As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong? He replied, "It was an ID ten T error."
I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, "An, ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again."
Eric grinned.... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"
"No," I replied. "Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."
& nbsp; &n bsp;
So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T
I used to like Eric.............
Great Quotes!!
Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself ~~"Lillian, you should have remained a virgin."
- n Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
- n
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall."
- n Eleanor Roosevelt
- n
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.
-- Mark Twain
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.
-- George Burns
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
- - Victor Borge
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
-- Mark Twain
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
-- Socrates
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury
-- Groucho Marx
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
Alex Levine
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon.
Then it's time for my nap.
-- Bob Hope
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
-- W.C. Fields
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
-- Will Rogers
Don't worry about avoiding temptation as you grow older, it will avoid you
-- Winston Churchill
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty, but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
-- Phyllis Diller
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
-- Billy Crystal
The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good, spit it out.