545 PEOPLE
  Politicians are the only people in the world who create problems and then campaign against them.

Have you ever wondered why, if both the Democrats and the Republicans are against deficits, we have deficits?

Have you ever wondered why, if all the politicians are against inflation and high taxes, we have inflation and high taxes?

You and I don't propose a federal budget.   The president does.

You and I don't have the Constitutional authority to vote on ap propriations.   The House of Representatives does.

You and I don't write the tax code, Congress does.

You and I don't set fiscal policy, Congress does.

You and I don't control monetary policy, the Federal Reserve Bank does.

One hundred senators, 435 congressmen, one president, and nine Supreme Court justices  545 human beings out of the 300 million  are directly, legally, morally, and individually responsible for the domestic problems that plague this country.

I excluded the members of the Federal Reserve Board becaus e that problem was created by the Congress   In 1913, Congress delegated its Constitutional duty to provide a sound currency to a federally chartered, but private, central bank.

I excluded all the special interests and lobbyists for a sound reason.   They have no legal authority.   They have no ability to coerce a senator, a congressman, or a president to do one cotton-picking thing   I don't care if they offer a politician $1 million dollars in cash.   The politician has the power to accept or reject it.   No matter what the lobbyist promises, it is the legislator's responsibility to determine how he votes.

Those 545 human beings spend much of their energy convincing you that what they did is not their fault.   They cooperate in this common con regardless of party.

What separates a politician from a normal human being is an excessive amount of gall.   No normal human being would have the gall of a Speaker, who stood up and criticized the President for creating deficits.   The president can only propose a budget.   He cannot force the Congress to accept it.

The Constitution, which is the supreme law of the land, gives sole responsibility to the House of Representatives for originating and approving appropriations and taxes.   Who is the speaker of the House?   She is the leader of the majority party.   She and fellow House members, not the president, can approve any budget they want.   If the president vetoes it, they can pass it over his veto if they agree to.

It seems inconceivable to me that a nation of 300 million can not replace 545 people who stand convicted -- by present facts -- of incompetence and irresponsibility.   I can't think of a single domestic problem that is not traceable directly to those 545 people.   When you fully grasp the plain truth that 545 people exercise the power of the federal government, then it must follow that what exists is what they want to exist.
If the tax code is unfair, it's because they want it unfair.
If the budget is in the red, it's because they want it in the red.
If the Marines are in IRAQ, it's because they want them in IRAQ.
If they do not receive social security but are on an elite retirement plan not available to the people, it's because they want it that way. There are no insoluble government problems.

Do not let these 545 people shift the blame to bureaucrats, whom they hire and whose jobs they can abolish; to lobbyists, whose gifts and advice they can reject; to regulators, to whom they give the power to regulate and from whom they can take this power.   Above all, do not let them con you into the belief that there exists disembodied mystical forces like "the economy," "inflation," or "politics" that prevent them from doing what they take an oath to do.

Those 545 people, and they alone, are responsible.
They, and they alone, have the power.
They, and they alone, should be held accountable by the people who are their bosses  provided the voters have the gumption to manage their own employees.

We should vote all of them out of office and clean up their mess! Charlie Reese is a former columnist of the  Orlando Sentinel Newspaper.   What you do with this article now that you have read it is up to you, though you appear to have several choices. 1.    & nbsp;You can send this to everyone in your address book, and hope "they" ; do something about it. 2.    & nbsp;You can agree to "vote against" everyone that is currently in office, knowing that the process will take several years. 3.    & nbsp;You can decide to "run for office" yoursel f and agree to do the job properly. 4.    & nbsp;Lastly, you can sit back and do nothing, or re-elect the current bunch.   Do not overlook opportunities to review the action/no action or lack of backbone to serve voters and not lobbyists on the local level(s)!!!

Really good for a laugh!!!

   

http://msunderestimated.com/2008/03/01/obamas-pla ns-for-our-military-video /" title="http://msunderestimated.com/2008/03/01/obamas-pla ns-for-our-military-video /" target="_blank"http://msunderestimated.com/2...

This is scary!!

  This is an uninterrupted 51-second video of what he will do to the military...watch it before this too is removed from the web site.

Pass it on...the USA needs a Wake-up call.

.

The Little Old lady
And
The Vacuum Cleaner Salesman  

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day,
only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying
a vacuum cleaner.

"Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a
couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate
the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners."

"Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!"
and she proceeded to close the door.. Quick as a flash, the
young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide
open.

"Don't be too hasty!" he said. "Not until you have at least
seen my demonstration."

And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure on to
her hallway carpet.

"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this
horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally
eat the remainder."

========================= =============

The old lady stepped back and said, "Well I hope you've got
a darn good appetite, because..............................

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    & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;   &nbs p;     ;        Are you ready for this one?

    & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;   &nbs p;     ;         & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;   &nbs p;   .

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they cut off my electricity this morning.."

The blonde went to an eye doctor to have her eyes checked
for glasses.

The doctor directed her to read various letters with the
left eye while covering the right eye.

The blonde was so mixed up on which eye was which that
the eye doctor in disgust took a paper sack with a hole
to see through, covered up the appropriate eye and asked
her to read the letters.

As he did so, he noticed the blonde had tears streaming
down her face. "Look," said the doctor, "there's no need
to get emotional about getting glasses."

"I know," agreed the blonde, "But I kind of had my heart
set on wire frames."

Spring always comes with new life and birth
Followed by summer to warm the soft earth-
And what a comfort to know there are reasons
That souls, like nature, must have their seasons

Helen Steiner Rice

I'm a Ford Mustang!

You're an American classic -- fast, strong, and bold. You're not snobby or pretentious, but you have what it takes to give anyone a run for their money.

"Take the Which Sports Car Are You? quiz.

Have you ever given thought as to what kind of car you might be if you were a car?  Me neither, but a friend sent this link to me with the model of car you are,  I decided to check it out and took this quick 12 question test.

  After you find what type car you are, put it in the subject box and forward to your friends.

Visit

http://www.tomorrowland.us/sportscar/" title="http://www.tomorrowland.us/sportscar/" target="_blank"http://www.tomorrowland.us/sp...

and have a laugh!  

    To My Daughter - by an OK. Police Officer
>
> "TO MY DAUGHTER" (AOL IS TRACKING THIS) PLEASE DO NOT DELETE THIS WILL
> HIT YOU WHERE IT HURTS!
>
> *Just for this morning, I am going to step over the laundry, and pick
> you up and take you to the park to play.
>
> *Just for this morning, I will leave the dishes in the sink, and let
> you teach me how to put that puzzle of yours together.
>
> *Just for this afternoon, I will unplug the telephone and keep the
> computer off, and sit with you in the backyard and blow bubbles.
>
> *Just for this afternoon, I will not yell once,not even a tiny grumble
> when you scream and whine for the ice cream truck and I will buy you
> one if he comes by.
>
> *Just for this afternoon, I won't worry about what you are going to be
> when you grow up, or second guess every decision I have made where you
> are concerned.
>
> *Just for this afternoon, I will let you help me bake cookies, and I
> won't stand over you trying to fix them.
>
> *Just for this afternoon, I will take us to McDonald's and buy us both
> a Happy Meal so you can have both toys.
>
> *Just for this evening, I will hold you in my arms and tell you a
> story about how you were born and how much I love you.
>
> *Just for this evening, I will let you splash in the tub and not get angry.
>
> *Just for this evening, I will let you stay up late while we sit on
> the porch and count all the stars.
>
> *Just for this evening, I will snuggle beside you for hours, and miss
> my favorite TV shows.
>
> *Just for this evening when I run my finger through your hair as you
> pray, I will simply be grateful that God has given me the greatest
> gift ever given.
>
> *I will think about the mothers And fathers who are searching for
> their missing children, the mothers and fathers who are visiting their
> children's graves instead of their bedrooms, and mothers and fathers
> who are in hospital rooms watching their children suffer senselessly,
> and screaming inside that they can't handle it anymore.
>
> *And when I kiss you good night I will hold you a little tighter, a
>little  longer. It is then, that I will thank God for you, and ask Him
> for nothing, except one more day.............

It
is the
VETERAN 
not
the
preacher,


who
has
given us freedom of religion.

It is

the

VETERAN ,
not the
reporter,
who has given us freedom of the
press.
 
It is

the

VETERAN ,
not the
poet,
who has given us freedom of
speech.
    
It is

the

VETERAN ,
not the
campus organizer,
who has given us freedom to assemble.


    & nbsp;
It is

the

VETERAN ,
not the
lawyer,
who has given us the right to a fair trial.


 
  
It is

the

VETERAN ,
not the
politician,
Who has given us the right to
vote.

It

is the
VETERAN
who
salutes the Flag,

It is

the

veteran

who serves

under the Flag,

God

Bless them all !!! 

Boss' last words at the employee meeting:  "We are going to keep having these meetings, everyday, until I find out why no work is getting done."

Quote from the boss...  "I didn't say it was your fault.  I said I was going to blame you."

Motivational sign at work from the boss:  The beatings will continue until morale  improves.

Another quote from the boss:  " We passed over a lot of good people to get the ones we hired."

My boss often gets lost in thought. That's because it's unfamiliar territory.

My boss needs a surge protector.  That way his mouth would be buffered from surprise spikes in his brain.

He walks, talks and performs rudimentary tasks, all without the benefit of a SPINE.

Some people climb the ladder of success.  My boss walked under it .

Quote from the boss after overriding the decision of a task force he created to find a solution:  "I'm sorry if I ever gave you the impression your input would have any effect on my decision for the outcome of this project."

Boss to job candidate:  "I see you've had no computer training.  Although that qualifies you for upper management, it means you're under-qualified for our entry level position."

Quote from a telephone inquiry:  "We are only hiring one summer intern this year and we don't start interviewing candidates for that position until the Boss' daughter finishes her summer classes."

I thought my boss was a jerk, I quit to work for myself.  My new boss is a jerk,  too...  but at least I respect him.

Life is fits and starts,  mostly fits.  Walter Percy

Here's Dave's Web Cam watching a Robin's nest through his living room window.  Scroll down below on the site for other pics, and watch live action. The first egg should hatch Thursday!  It refreshes every 4 seconds so fairly live action!

http://webpages.charter.net/dlc_54/birdnestcam.htm" title="http://webpages.charter.net/dlc_54/birdnestcam.htm" target="_blank"http://webpages.charter.net/d...

This is an arcade type game, you are flying a double winger 1915 aircraft, and shooting down other aircraft...also picking up extra fuel, bullets and repairs "on the fly"  Try it out!!!

http://wings-1915.freeonlinegames.com/" title="http://wings-1915.freeonlinegames.com/" target="_blank"http://wings-1915.freeonlineg... 

A blonde received a certificate
for helicopter flying lessons
for her birthday. One day she
was bored and decided to take
advantage of the opportunity.

When she arrived at the place,
the instructor said, "Well, there's
only one helicopter here and it
only has one seat. If I show you
how to do it, do you mind going
up solo?"

"Oh of course not! I can handle
it," the blonde replied.

Well, he showed her the inner
workings of the helicopter and
sent her on her way, only asking
that she radio in every 400 feet
just to make sure everything was
going smoothly.

At 400 feet, she radioed in saying, "Wow! This is so much fun!"

At 800 feet, she radioed in again saying, "This is pretty easy,
I can do this all day!"

At 1,200 feet, she didn't radio in. He waited and waited, and
didn't hear from the blonde. Seconds later, he heard a crash in
the field next to the station. He ran out to see what
happened -- the blonde crashed!

Luckily she survived. "What happened?" the instructor exclaimed.

"Well, I was doing fine, but I started to get cold so I just
turned off the big fan!"

A class of five-year old schoolchildren return to the classroom after playing in the playground during their break time.

The teacher says to the first child ''Hello Becky, what have you been doing this Playtime?''

Becky replies ''I have been playing in the sand box.''  

''Very good,'' says the teacher ''if you can spell 'sand' on the blackboard, I will give you a biscuit.''

Becky duly goes and writes 's a n d' on the blackboard.

''Very good,'' says the teacher and gives Becky a biscuit.  


The teacher then says, ''Freddie, what have you been doing in your playtime?''

Freddie replies, ''Playing with Becky in the sand box.''

''Very good,'' says the teacher, ''if you can spell 'box' on the blackboard, I will also give you a biscuit.''

Freddie duly goes and writes 'b o x' on the blackboard.

''Very good,'' says the teacher and gives Freddie a biscuit.  


Teacher then says, ''Hello Mohammed, have you been playing in the sand box with Becky and Freddie?''

''No,'' replies Mohammed, ''I wanted to, but they would not let me. Every time I went near them they started throwing sand at me, calling me nasty names and asking to see under my jacket in case I had explosives.''

''Oh dear,'' says the teacher, ''that sounds like blatant racial discrimination to me -  
I'll tell you what, if you can spell 'blatant racial discrimination' I will give you a biscuit.''

Thirty days after Steve McIntyre caught NASA cooking climate history again - this time in a feeble attempt to somehow conceal the alarmist-embarrassing  downward trend since 1998 -- Al Gore shamelessly portrayed Saturday's Myanmar cyclone catastrophe as a ‘consequence' of global warming. 

A mere 16 days after NASA's Jet Propulsion Laboratory confirmed that the Pacific Decadal Oscillation's cool phase shift would likely bring colder temperatures for as many as the next 20-30 years, Gore told NPR that the "trend toward stronger and more destructive storms appears to be linked to global warming and specifically to the impact of global warming on higher ocean temperatures."  This just 6 days after a German study also predicted cooler ocean temperatures due to the Meridional Overturning Circulation entering a weak cycle, and in spite of there being absolutely no empirical evidence of a global warming / storm strength link. 

Gore's monotonous and baseless account of AGW forced violent cyclones and hurricanes came just two days after McIntyre reported that 4 of the past 5 months were "'all-time' records for Southern Hemisphere sea ice" levels.

In fact, it was the very day after Anthony Watts reported another false start to the distinctly overdue Solar Cycle 24, a likely contributory factor to falling global temperatures, that the Nobel Peace Prize winner exploited the deaths of over 22,000 (reported and still rising) human beings to egoistically advance his threatened AGW political agenda while callously protecting his personal financial interest.

And with 41,000 reported missing since Cyclone Nargis devastated the former Burma, the death figures are sure to rise to unthinkable numbers.  Meanwhile, the nation's corrupt military rulers are making aid delivery to ease survivor misery nearly impossible.

And while these poor souls will undoubtedly see years of unimaginable suffering and the arduous rebuilding of over a million destroyed homes, this man -- who professes his desire to save the planet - saw another opportunity.  That it arrived at the end of a one month period in which another wheel fell off the greenhouse gas disinformation bus almost daily only adds to the morass.

This was an astonishingly nauseating display -- even for the likes of Gore.  

Just a line to say I'm living, that I'm not among the dead.

Though I'm getting more forgetful, and all mixed up in the head.

I got used to my Arthritis, to my dentures I'm resign.

I can manage my Bifocals, but dear God I miss my mind.

When I stand at the foot of the stairs, I wonder if I must go up for something,

Or have I just come down from there?  And before the fridge so often,

My poor mind is filled with doubt, have I just put some food away?

Or have I come to take something out?  And there's a time, when it is dark,

I stop and hold my head.  I don't know if I'm retiring,

Or am I getting out of bed? 

So, if it is my turn to write to you, there's no need getting sore. 

I may think that I have written, and don't want to be a bore. 

So remember that I love you, and wish that you were near. 

But now it's nearly mail time, so must say "good-bye dear". 

Here I stand before the mailbox, with a face so very red. 

Instead of mailing you my letter, I went and opened it instead. 

Mrs. Ravioli comes to visit her son Anthony for dinner...
who lives with a female roommate Maria...

During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Anthony's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two,and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact,
she started to wonder if there was more between Anthony and his roommate than met the eye. Reading his moms thoughts, Anthony volunteered, 'I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Maria and I are just roommates.'

About a week later, Maria came to Anthony saying, 'Ever since your
mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl.
You don't suppose she took it, do you?'
Well, I doubt it, but I'll e-mail her, just to be sure.' So he sat down and wrote;

Dear Momma,
I'm not saying that you did take the sugar bowl from my
house, and I'm not saying that you did not take it. But the fact
remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love,
Anthony



Several days later, Anthony received a response e-mail from

his Momma which read.......



Dear Son,
I'm not saying that you do sleep with Maria, and I'm not
saying that you do not sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the sugar
bowl by now.

Love,
Momma.


Lesson: Never lie to your momma!!

Blondes And The
Oklahoma
Highway Patrol

Our three blondes were applying for the last available position on
the Oklahoma Highway Patrol.

The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of
them and said, "You know these are TUFF times, and we mean
business around here. So y'all want to be a cop, eh?"

The detective got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a file
folder. Sitting back down, he opened it up and pulled out a picture,
and said, "To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must
be able to notice things such as distinguishing features and oddities
such as scars, etc".

He stuck the photo in the face of the first blonde and withdrew it
after about 2 seconds. "Now, he said, "Did you notice any
distinguishing features about the man?"

The blonde immediately said! "Yes, I did. He has only one eye!"

The detective shook his head and said, "Of course he has only one
eye in this picture! It's a profile of his face! You're dismissed!"

The first blonde hung her head and walked out of the office.

The detective then turned to the second blonde, stuck the photo in
her face for 2 seconds, pulled it back and said, "What about you?

Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?"

Yes! He only has one ear!"

The second blonde sheepishly walked out of the office.

The detective turned his attention to the third and last blonde,
Tamara, and said, "This is probably a waste of time, but...." He
lashed the photo in her face for a couple of seconds and withdrew it,
saying, "All right. Did you notice anything distinguishing or
unusual about this man?"

The blonde said, "I did. This man wears contact lenses."

The detective frowned, took another look at the picture and began
looking at some of the papers in the folder. He looked up at the
blonde with a puzzled expression and said,

"You're absolutely right! His bio says he wears contacts! How in the
world could you tell that by looking at this picture?"

Tamara rolled her eyes and said, "Duh! With only one eye and one
ear, he certainly can't wear glasses."

Baruch 3:13 For if you had walked in the way of God, you had surely dwealt in peace forever.

An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who
shared offices with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled
with patients.
  
    As he approached the receptionist's desk, he noticed that the
receptionist was a large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo
wrestler. He gave her his name.
  
    In a very loud voice, the receptionist said,

'YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE;

YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?'
  
    All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around
to look at the very embarrassed man.
  
    He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied,

'NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION,

BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS.'
   

DON'T MESS WITH OLD FOLKS.

Could a true cancer cure with a 100%
success rate get COVERED UP?

Even if it has 100,000 success stories
and a 26 year track record?

Dear Health-conscious Friend:

Would you believe that an extract from eggplant could cure -- that's cure, not just improve -- the majority of non-melanoma skin cancers (squamous and basal cell cancers), usually in three months or less? This may seem like an outrageous claim, but researchers have known about these incredible results for over 20 years!

It might have remained a secret for another two decades if award-winning doctor Jonathan Wright, M.D. hadn't published the research -- and dared tell the truth: It's a cure! Just look at the proof:

'It's a cure!' -- straight
from Royal London Hospital's double-blind, placebo
controlled study

Using a form of eggplant extract called BEC5, doctors treated both invasive and non-invasive non-melanoma skin cancers. The results were equal to those resulting from invasive surgery, minus the scars. And doctors concluded:
'In our view and experience, BEC5 is...safe and effective...it is a cost-effective treatment for both primary and secondary skin cancer.'

Even more importantly, follow-up research on patients who used BEC5 shows once their cancer went away, it did not recur.

But that's just the tip of the iceberg. You'll hear how careful patient records kept since the 1980's show...

Success in 100,000 cases
with ZERO return of
the cancer!

Over 100,000 patients have used it successfully. Microscopic analysis consistently shows death of all cancer cells. Better yet, no cancer has ever returned.

Best of all, BEC5 does not kill any healthy human cells. With microscopic precision, it selects and eliminates only the cancer cells. Healthy cells are not affected in any way by the treatment.

A major breakthrough?

You bet!

More than a million new cases of non-melanoma skin cancer will be diagnosed in the U.S. this year alone.

Yet this same eggplant breakthrough is so safe and effective, it can even be used cosmetically -- to eradicate age spots, sun spots and 'pre-cancers' called actinic keratoses.

It's non-invasive, non-toxic and so easy to use, you can do it at home. Simple as smoothing on skin cream.

So how did our
mighty medical press
miss this one?

How come you never saw anything about it...not in magazines...not on TV...not even on the internet?

Demographics of American Newspapers 
 
1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.

2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.

3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the
country and who are very good at crossword puzzles.

4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country, but
don't really understand The New York Times. They do, however, like their
statistics shown in pie charts.

5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the
country-if they could find the time-and if they  didn't have to leave
Southern California to do it.

6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country.

7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's
running the country and don't really care as long as  they can get a seat on
the train.

8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who is running the
country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably  while
intoxicated, and who like their news as pictures and/or  cartoons.

9. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country, but
need the baseball scores.

10. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure if there
is a country or that anyone is running it; but if so, they oppose all that
they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are
handicapped minority feminist atheist dwarfs who also happen to be illegal
aliens from any other country or galaxy, provided, of course, that they are
not Republicans.

11. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery
store.

12. The Seattle Times is read by people who have recently caught a fish and
need something in which to wrap it.

Let us go to Jesus with great confidence every time we sin.

HUMOR FOR LEXOPHILES (LOVERS OF WORDS)

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then
it hit me.

Police were called to a day care where a 3-yr-old was
resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was
cut off? He's all right now.

The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was
Sir Cumference.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a
small medium at large.

A thief who stole a calendar got 12 months.

A thief fell & broke his leg in wet cement. He became
a hardened criminal.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles , U.C.L.A.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

A dentist & a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

A will is a dead giveaway.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in
feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist you can get
repossessed.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft & I'll show
you A-flat miner.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully
recovered.

A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France ,
resulted in LinoleumBlownapart.

You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

A calendar's days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint
mine.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory which was never
developed.

Those who get too big for their britches will be
exposed in the end.

When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a
mall.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she
thought she'd dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture: a jab well done.

That which  above all  should inspire us with veneration for the holy angels Is their un-swerving loyalty to God.

Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America, Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as?

'HILLBILLIES.'?

You must now refer to us as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.?

And furthermore ....?

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:?

1. She is not a 'BABE' or a 'CHICK' - She is a
'BREASTED AMERICAN.'?

2. She is not a 'SCREAMER' or a 'MOANER' - She is 'VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.'?

3. She is not 'EASY' - She is 'HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.'?

4. She is not a 'DUMB BLONDE' - She is a 'LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.'?

5. She has not 'BEEN AROUND' - She is a 'PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.'?

?6. She is not an 'AIRHEAD' - She is 'REALITY?
IMPAIRED.'?

7. She does not get 'DRUNK' or 'TIPSY' -?
She gets 'CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED'?

8. She does not have 'BREAST IMPLANTS' - She is 'MEDICALLY ENHANCED.'?

9. She does not 'NAG' you - She becomes 'VERBALLY REPETITIVE.'

10. She is not a 'TRAMP' - She is 'SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED.'?

11. She does not have 'MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS' - She is 'PECTORALLY SUPERIOR.'?

12 She is not a 'TWO-BIT HOOKER' - She is a 'LOW COST PROVIDER.'?Love this one?




HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:?

1. He does not have a 'BEER GUT' - He has developed a 'LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.'?

2. He is not a 'BAD DANCER'- He is 'OVERLY CAUCASIAN.'?

3. He does not 'GET LOST ALL THE TIME' - He 'INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.'?

4. He is not 'BALDING' - He is in 'FOLLICLE REGRESSION.'?

5. He is not a 'CRADLE ROBBER' - He prefers 'GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS.'?

6.. He does not get 'FALLING-DOWN DRUNK' - He becomes 'ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL.'?

7. He does not act like a 'TOTAL ASS' - He develops a case of 'RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.'?

8 He is not a 'MALE CHAUVINIST PIG' - He has 'SWINE EMPATHY.'?

9. He is not afraid of 'COMMITMENT' - He is 'RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED.'?

10. He is not 'HORNY' - He is 'SEXUALLY FOCUSED.'?

11. It's not his 'CRACK' you see hanging out of his pants - It's 'REAR CLEAVAGE '?

Please use your best judgment when referring to these people, so as to make it more comfortable for the rest of us.

We go astray like sheep each going his own way.

A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally getting all the necessary tools together, she made for the ice.

After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed,

'THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.'

Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of cappuccino, and began to cut yet another hole. Again from the heavens the voice bellowed,

'THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.'

The blonde, now worried, moved away, clear down to the opposite end of the ice. She set up her stool once more and tried again to cut her hole.

The voice came once more,
'THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE.'

She stopped, looked skyward, and said,
'IS THAT YOU LORD?'

The voice replied,

'NO, THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE HOCKEY RINK.............

 We go astray like sheep each going his own way.

1. Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't hve

1. The other car collided with mine without giving warning of it's intention.

1.  I thought my window was down, but I found out it was up when I put my head through it.

1.  I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.

1.  A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.

1.  A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.

1.  The guy was all over the road, I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.  

1.  I pulled away from the side of the road,  glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment.

1.  I attempted to kill a fly, and I drove into a telephone pole.

1.  I had been shopping for plants all day, and was on my way home.  As I reached the intersection, a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.

1.  I had been driving for forty years,  when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.

1.  I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble and my universal joint gave way, causing me to have an accident.

1.  As I approached the intersection, a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.

1.  To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.

1.  My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.

1.  An invisible car came out of nowhere,  struck my car and vanished. (Gotta look out for those invisible cars!!)

1.  I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat, found that I had a fractured skull.

1.  I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.  (Gotta help them along!)

1.  The pedestrian had no idea which way to run, so I ran over him.

1.  I saw a slow moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car.

1. In indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.

1.  I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray dogs.

1.  The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve  out of it's way when it struck my front end. 

     Let us go to Jesus with great confidence every time we sin.

The Detroit Red Wings foreign scout flies to Baghdad to watch a young Iraqi play hockey in the new American sponsored league and is suitably impressed and arranges for him to come over to the US.

Ken Holland signs him to a one year contract and the kid joins the team for the preseason. Two weeks later the Wings are down 4-0 to the Blackhawks with only 10 minutes left. Mike Babcock gives the young Iraqi the nod and he goes in. The kid is a sensation - scores 5 goals in 10 minutes and wins the game for Wings! The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and the media love the new star.

When the player comes off the ice he phones his mom to tell her about his first day of NHL hockey. 'Hello mom, guess what?' he says in an Iraqi accent. 'I played for 10 minutes today, we were 4-0 down, but I scored 5 goals and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the media, they all love me.'

Wonderful,' says his mom, 'Let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot in the street and robbed, your sister and I were ambushed, raped and beaten and your brother has joined a gang of looters, and all while you were having such great time.'

The young Iraqi is very upset. 'What can I say mom, but I'm so sorry.'

'Sorry? You're Sorry?' says his mom, 'It's your fault we moved to Detroit in the first place.'

By Charlie Reese --

Politicians are the only people in the world who create problems and then campaign against them.

Have you ever wondered why, if both the Democrats and the Republicans are against deficits, why have deficits?

Have you ever wondered why, if all the politicians are against inflation and high taxes, we have inflation and high taxes?

You and I don't propose a federal budget.  The president does.

You and I don't have the Constitutional authority to vote on appropriations.  The House of Representatives does.

You and I don't write the tax code, Congress does.

You and I don't set fiscal policy, Congress does.

You and I don't control monetary policy, the Federal Reserve Bank does. They are answerable to no one!

One hundred senators, 435 congressmen, one president, and nine Supreme Court justices -- 545 human beings out of the 300 million -- are directly, legally, morally, and individually responsible for the domestic problems that plague this country.

I excluded the members of the Federal Reserve Board because that problem was created by the Congress.  In 1913, Congress delegated its Constitutional duty to provide a sound currency to a federally chartered, but private, central bank.

I excluded all the special interests and lobbyists for a sound reason.  They have no legal authority.  They have no ability to coerce a senator, a congressman, or a president to do one cotton-picking thing.  I don't care if they offer a politician $1 million dollars in cash.  The politician has the power to accept or reject it.  No matter what the lobbyist promises, it is the legisla tor's responsibility to determine how he votes.

Those 545 human beings spend much of their energy convincing you that what they did is not their fault.  They cooperate in this common con regardless of party.

What separates a politician from a normal human being is an excessive amount of gall.  No normal human being would have the gall of a Speaker, who stood up and criticized the President for creating deficits.  The president can only propose a budget.  He cannot force the Congress to accept it.

The Constitution, which is the supreme law of the land, gives sole responsibility to the House of Representatives for originating and approving appropriations and taxes.  Who is the speaker of the House?  She is the leader of the majority party.
She and fellow House members, not the president, can approve any budget they want.  If the president vetoes it, they can pass it over his veto  if they agree to.

It seems inconceivable to me that a nation of 300 million can not replace 545 people who stand convicted -- by present facts -- of incompetence and irresponsibility.  I can't think of a single domestic problem that is not traceable directly to those 545 people.  When you fully grasp the plain truth that 545 people exercise the po wer of the federal government, then it must follow that what exists is what they want to exist.

If the tax code is unfa i r, it's because they want it unfair.

If the budget is in the red, it's because they want it in the red. If the Marines are in IRAQ, it's because they want them in IRAQ. If they do not receive social security but are on an elite retirement plan not available to the people, it's because they want it that way. There are no insoluble government problems.

Do not let these 545 people shift the blame to bureaucrats, whom they hire and whose jobs they can abolish; to lobbyists, whose gifts and advice they can reject; to regulators, to whom they give the power to regulate and from whom they can take this power.  Above all, do not let them con you into the belief that there exists disembodied mystical forces like "the economy," "inflation," or "politics" that prevent them from doing what they take an oath to do.

Those 545 people, and they alone, are responsible.

They, and they alone, have the power.

They, and they alone, should be held accountable by the people who are their bosses -- provided the voters have the gumption to manage their own employees.

We should vote all of them out of office a nd clean up their mess!
 
Charlie Reese is a former columnist of the Orlando Sentinel Newspaper

    & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;   &nbs p; We are and always have been one in God

US Bullies Africa which Shouts "NO! To Unlabeled GMOs!"

US Bullies Africa on GM Labeling, Africa's Had Enough

The US outdid itself at this Codex meeting. It actually bullied another country into withdrawing its submission because the paper South Africa submitted in favor of Mandatory GM Labeling was so strong and under cut the US position that no labeling should ever be permitted. South Africa is a sovereign nation, with its own concerns, laws and issues, but it was forced by US bullying to rescind its submission because of the international tantrum that the US threw.

THE BOTTLE OF WINE

For all of us who are married, were married, wish

you were married, or wish you weren't married, this

is something to smile about the next time you see a

bottle of wine:

Sally was driving home from one of her business

trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly

Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.

As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped

the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like

a ride.

With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into

the car.

Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make

a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old

woman just sat silently, looking intently at

everything she saw, studying every little detail,

until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to

Sally.

'What in bag?' asked the old woman.

Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, 'It's

a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband.'

The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or

two.

Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder,

she said:

'Good trade.....'

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Eric, the 11 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control and asked him to come over. Eric clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong?  He replied, "It was an ID ten T error."

I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, "An, ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again."

Eric grinned.... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"

"No," I replied.  "Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."
    & nbsp;   &n bsp;   
So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T 

   

I used to like Eric............. 

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself ~~"Lillian, you should have remained a virgin."

• n Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
• n

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall."

• n Eleanor Roosevelt
• n

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.

-- Mark Twain

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.

-- George Burns

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.

- - Victor Borge

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

-- Mark Twain

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

-- Socrates

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury

-- Groucho Marx

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.

Alex Levine

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon.

Then it's time for my nap.

-- Bob Hope

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

-- W.C. Fields

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.

-- Will Rogers

Don't worry about avoiding temptation as you grow older, it will avoid you

-- Winston Churchill

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty, but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

-- Phyllis Diller

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.

-- Billy Crystal

The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good, spit it out.