Barnabus1's Blog

Snow White & The Seven Dwarfs

    & nbsp; (A Political Fable compliments  of the RNC!)

The seven dwarfs always left to go work in the mine early each morning.

As always, Snow White stayed home doing her domestic chores.

As lunchtime approached, she would prepare their lunch and carry it to the mine.

One day as she arrived at the mine with the lunch, she saw that there had been a terrible cave-in.

Tearfully, and fearing the worst, Snow White began calling out, hoping against hope that the dwarfs had somehow survived.

'Hello!...Hello!' she shouted. 'Can anyone hear me? Hello!'

For a long while, there was no answer. Losing hope, Snow White again shouted, 'Hello! Is anyone down there?'

Just as she was about to give up all hope, she heard a faint voice from deep within the mine, singing . . ...

'Vote for Barack Obama! - Vote for Barack Obama!'

Snow White fell to her knees, crossed herself and prayed,

'Oh, thank you, God! At least 'Dopey' is still alive...

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     Before you go

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http://www.koreus.com/video/telephone-porta ble-mais-popcorn.html" title="http://www.koreus.com/video/telephone-porta ble-mais-popcorn.html" target="_blank"http://www.koreus.com/video/t...

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These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
_________________________ _________
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15th.
Q: What year?
A: Every year. _________________________ _________
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. _________________________ ______________
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten? _________________________ ____________

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years. _________________________ _____________

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan. _________________________ _____________

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?

A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo. _________________________ _________
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

A: Did you actually pass the bar exam? _________________________ _________
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he? _________________________ _________
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken? _________________________ _________
Q: So the date of conception of your baby was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time? _________________________ _________
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls? _________________________ _________
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated? _________________________ _____________

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female? _________________________ _________
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?

 A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. _________________________ _____________

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?

A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. _________________________ _________
Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral. _________________________ _________
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy. _________________________ _________
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? _________________________ _________
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?

A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

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* Law of Mechanical Repair. After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

* Law of Gravity. Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

* Law of Probability.The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

* Law of Random Numbers. If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

* Law of the Alibi. If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

* Variation Law. If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

* Law of the Bath. When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

* Law of Close Encounters. The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

* Law of the Result. When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

* Law of the Theater. At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

* The Starbucks Law. As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

* Murphy's Law of Lockers. If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

* Law of Logical Argument. Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

* Brown's Law of Physical Appearance. If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

* Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy. As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

* Doctors' Law. If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.

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Q. What do they call pastors in Germany ?
A. German Shepherds.

Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A. Noah He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?

A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a
Little prophet.

Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. David's Triumph
Was heard throughout the land. Also, probably a Honda, because the apostles
Were all in one Accord.

Q.. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A. Samson. He brought the house down.

Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in in Eden ?  
A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.

Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.

Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
A. The area around Jordan . The banks were always overflowing.

Q. Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible?
A. David He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.

Q. Which Bible character had no parents?
A. Joshua, son of Nun.

Q. Why didn't they play cards on the Ark ?
A. Because Noah was standing on the deck. ( Groan .)

PS... Did you know it's a sin for a woman to make coffee?
Yup, it's in the Bible. It says . . 'He-brews'

KEEP SMILING!!!! GOD LOVES YOU BUNCHES AND BUNCHES!!!!
Friends are God's way of taking care of us.

...Faith, Hope & Love -- but the greatest of these is LOVE.
1Corinthians13:13

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This man in a Volkswagen Beetle pulls up next

Their windows are open and he yells at the guy

in the Mercedes:

"Hey, you got a telephone in that thing?"

The guy in the Mercedes says, "Yes, of course I do."

"I got one too... see?"

"Uh, huh, yes, that's very nice."

"You got a fax machine?"

"Why, actually, yes, I do."

"I do too! See? It's right here!"

"Uh-huh."

The light is just about to turn green and the guy

in the Volkswagen says,

"So, do you have a double bed in back there?"

And the guy in the Mercedes says, "NO! Do you?"

"Yep, got my double bed right in back here see?!"

The light turns and the man in the Volkswagen takes off.

Well, the guy in the Mercedes is not about to be

one-upped, so he goes immediately to a customizing

shop and orders them to put a double bed in back of

his car.

About two weeks later, the job is finally done and he
picks up his car and drives all over town looking for
the Volkswagen. He finally finds it parked alongside
the road so he pulls his Mercedes up next to it.

The windows on the Volkswagen are all fogged up and
he feels a little awkward about it, but he gets out
of his newly modified Mercedes and taps on the
foggy window of the Volkswagen.

The man in the Volkswagen finally opens the window
a crack and peeks out.

The guy in the Mercedes says, "Hey. Remember me?"


"Yeah, yeah, I remember you. What's up?"

"Check this out...
I got a double bed installed in my Car."

And the man in the Volkswagen says,

"YOU GOT ME OUT OF THE SHOWER TO TELL ME THAT?!

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• GM peas caused lung damage in mice
  
• GM potatoes may cause cancer in rats 
  
• Bacteria in your gut can take up DNA from GM food
  
• They may be spurring the creation of weed-killer-resistant superweeds 
  

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New Direction for any war:  Send Service Vets over 60! 
I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing ass-backwards.  Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys.  You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.

For starters:
Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds.  Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.
Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts!  I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry' We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.

An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys always get up early to pee so what the hell.  Besides, like I said, 'I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical bastard.

If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them.  In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys.  We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food.  We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however.  I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training. 

Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I've never seen anyone out run a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start up a con- versation with a pretty girl.  He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head. 

These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple of million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them.

If nothing else, put us on border patrol....we will have it secured the first night!

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A fun site of animated cartoons...check out the ones below also!!

New cartoon every day!! Fun!!!!

http://www.politicalbastards.com/" title="http://www.politicalbastards.com/" target="_blank"http://www.politicalbastards....

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A lot of Americans  have become so insulated from

>>> reality that they imagine that America  can suffer defeat without any

>>> inconvenience to themselves.  Pause a moment, reflect back. These events

>>> are  actual events from history. They really happened!!!  Do you

>>> remember? 1. 1968 Bobby Kennedy was  shot and killed by Muslim male

>>> extremist between the ages of 17 and  40. 2. In 1972 at the Munich

>>> Olympics, athletes were  kidnapped and massacred by Muslim male

>>> extremists

>>>

>>> between the ages of 17 and 40. 3. In 1979,  the US embassy in Iran was

>>> taken over by Muslim male extremists  between the ages of 17 and 40. 4.

>>> During the 1980's a number of Americans  were kidnapped in Lebanon by

>>> Muslim male extremists between the ages of 17 and 40. 5. In 1983,  the

>>> US Marine barracks in Beirut was blown up by Muslim male  extremists

>>> between the ages of 17 and 40. 6. In 1985 the cruise ship Achille  Lauro

>>> was hijacked and a 70 year old American passenger was murdered  and

>>> thrown overboard in his wheelchair by Muslim

>>>

>>> male extremists between the ages of 17 and 40. 7.  In 1985 TWA flight

>>> 847 was hijacked at Athens, and a US Navy diver  trying to rescue

>>> passengers was murdered by Muslim male extremists between the

>>>

>>> ages of 17 and 40. 8. In 1988, Pan Am Flight 103  was bombed by Muslim

>>> male extremists between the ages of 17 and  40. 9. In 1993 the World

>>> Trade Center was bombed  the first time by Muslim male extremists

>>> between the ages  of 17 and 40. 10. In 1998, the US embassies in  Kenya

>>> and Tanzania

>>>

>>> were bombed by Muslim male extremists between the  ages of 17 and 40.

>>> 11. On 9/11/01, four airliners  were hijacked; two were used as missiles

>>> to take down the World Trade  Centers and of the remaining two, one

>>> crashed into  the

>>>

>>> US Pentagon and the other was diverted and crashed by the passengers.

>>> Thousands of people were killed  by

>>>

>>> Muslim male extremists between the ages of 17 and 40. 12. In 2002 the

>>> United States fought a war in  Afghanistan against Muslim male

>>> extremists between the ages of 17 and 40. 13. In 2002 reporter  Daniel

>>> Pearl was kidnapped and murdered by-- you guessed it- - Muslim  male

>>> extremists

>>>

>>> between the ages of 17 and 40. No, I really don't  see a pattern here to

>>> justify profiling, do you?  So, to ensure  we Americans never offend

>>> anyone, particularly fanatics intent on killing us,  airport security

>>> screeners will no longer be allowed to  profile certain people...

>>> Absolutely No Profiling!  They must conduct random searches of

>>> 80-year-old  women, little kids, airline pilots with proper

>>> identification, secret agents who are members of the  President's

>>> security detail, 85-year old Congressmen  with metal hips, and Medal of

>>> Honor winner and former Governor Joe Foss, but leave Muslim Males

>>> between the ages 17 and 40 alone lest they be guilty of  profiling.

>>> According to The Book of Revelation:  The Anti-Christ will be a man, in

>>> his 40s, of MUSLIM  descent, who wil l deceive the nations with

>>> persuasive language, and have a MASSIVE  Christ-like

>>>

>>> appeal....the prophecy says that people will flock to  him and he will

>>> promise false hope and world peace,  and when he is in power, he will

>>> destroy everything.  And Now: For the award winning Act of Stupidity Of

>>> all  times the People of America want to elect, to the most Powerful

>>> position on the face of the Planet --

>>>

>>> The Presidency of the United  States of America A Muslim Male Extremist

>>> Between the ages of 17  and 40. Have the American People completely

>>> lost their Minds, or just their Power of Reason ???  I'm sorry but I

>>> refuse to take a chance on the  'unknown' candidate Obama.... Let's send

>>> this to as many  people as we can so that the Gloria Aldreds and other

>>> stupid attorneys  along with Federal Justices that want to thwart common

>>> sense, feel ashamed of themselves -- if they have any  such sense. As

>>> the writer of the award  winning story 'Forrest Gump' so aptly put it,

>>> 'Stupid Is As Stupid  Does.'

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  Absolutely beautiful!!!         Click here>>>>>     & nbsp;  http://oldbluewebdesigns.com/mybeautifulamerica.htm" title="http://oldbluewebdesigns.com/mybeautifulamerica.htm" target="_blank"http://oldbluewebdesigns.com/...>   

 

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Solution: Sell grain for $136.00 a bushel.
Can't buy it? Tough! Eat your oil!
Ought to go well with a nice thick grilled filet of camel ass!!!  

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We are Valuable!!
We are more valuable than any of the younger generations:
We have silver in our hair,
We have gold in our teeth.
We have stones in our kidneys.
We have lead in our feet.

And

We are loaded with natural gas!!!

    & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;   &nbs p;    Thought for the day

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    & nbsp; Americans would be shocked if they knew that President Reagan, while still in the White House, turned his back on American cancer treatments. He secretly sneaked off to Germany - and lived another 19 years. Why? Because German cancer doctors are the best - thanks to breakthrough treatments labeled "quackery" in the U.S. (maybe because they cost a fraction of American treatments). Suzanne Somers, Cher, William Holden and Anthony Quinn are among the celebrities who have gone to clinics you'll discover in my first-ever English-language guide to German cancer doctors and treatments.

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 New use for Windex 
 

I haven't checked ' snopes.com' to see if this actually works  or not ;
 
But they say, 

If you ever get the sudden
urge to run around naked,

you should drink some Windex first. 

It'll keep you from streaking. 

Have a Great Day!

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The Education System

• "Though the academic authorities are actually proud of conducting everything by means of Examinations, they seldom indulge in what religious people used to describe as Self-Examination. The consequence is that the modern State has educated its citizens in a series of ephemeral fads." - NashÕs Pall Mall Magazine. April, 1935

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How they vote in the United Nations:   Below are the actual voting records of various Arabic/Islamic States which are recorded in both the US State Department and United Nations records:

Kuwait votes against the United States

67% of the time

Qatar votes against the United States 67%

of the time

Morocco votes against the United States 70%

of the time

United Arab Emirates votes against the United States 70% of the time.

Jordan votes against the United States  71%

of the time.

Tunisia votes against the United States  71%

of the time.

Saudi Arabia votes against the United States

73% of the time.

Yemen votes against the United States 74%

of the time.

Algeria votes against the United States 74%

of the time.

Oman votes against the United States 74%

of the time.

Sudan votes against the United States 75%

of the time.

Pakistan votes against the United States 75%

of the time.

Libya votes against the United States 76%

of the time.

Egypt votes against the United Sta tes 79%

of the time.

Lebanon votes against the United States

80% of the time.

India votes against the United States 81%

of the time.

Syria votes against the United States 84%

of the time.

Mauritania votes against the United States

87% of the time.

U S Foreign Aid to those that hate us:

Egypt, for example, after voting 79% of the

time against the United States, still receives $2 billion annually in US Foreign Aid.

Jordan vote s 71% against the United States

And receives $192,814,000 annually in

US Foreign Aid.

Pakistan votes 75% against the United States

Receives $6,721,000 annually in US Foreign

Aid.

India votes 81% against the United States

Receives $143,699,000 annually.

Perhaps it is time to get out of the UN and give the tax savings back to the American workers who are having to skimp and sacrifice to pay the taxes (and gasoline).

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One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated waiting for the pilot to show up so they can get under way.

The pilot and copilot finally appear in the rear of the plane and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind; the pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle. The copilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with sunglasses.

At first, the passengers do not react thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. After a few minutes though, the engines start revving, and the airplane begins moving down the runway.

The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness. They start whispering among themselves and look desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance.

Yet, the plane starts accelerating rapidly, and people begin panicking. Some passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming more and more hysterical.

When the plane has less than twenty feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once. At the very last moment, the plane lifts off and is airborne.

Up in the cockpit, the copilot breathes a sigh of relief and tells the pilot: "You know, one of these days the passengers aren't going to scream, and we aren't going to know when to take off!"

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The Giraffe Test

• 1. How do you put
  a
  giraffe into a refrigerator?

Stop and think about it and decide on your answer
before you scroll down.

The correct answer is:
Open the refrigerator,
put in the giraffe, and close the door. This
question tests whether
you tend to do simple things in an overly
complicated way.

2 How do you put an elephant into a
refrigerator?

Did you say, Open the refrigerator, put in the
elephant, and close the
refrigerator?


Wrong Answer.



Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe,
put in the
elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to
think through the
repercussions of your previous actions.

• 2. The Lion King
  is hosting an animal conference. All the animals Attend
  .... Except
  one. Which
  animal does not attend?

Correct Answer : The Elephant. The elephant is in
the refrigerator. You
just put him in there.? This tests your memory.
Okay, even if you did not
answer the first three questions correctly,
you still have one more
chance to show your true
abilities.

• 3. There is a river you must cross but it
  is used by crocodiles, and

You do not
have a
boat. How do you manage it?

Correct Answer:? You jump into the river
and swim across. Have you not
been listening? All the crocodiles are
attending the Animal Meeting. This
tests whether you learn quickly
from your mistakes.


According to Anderson Consulting
Worldwide, around 90% of the

Professionals they
tested got all questions wrong, but many preschoolers got
several correct
answers. Anderson Consulting says this conclusively
disproves the theory
that most professionals have the brains of a
four-year-old.

Send this out to frustrate all of your smart friends.


PS: Just the fact that I sent it to you should make you
feel
good.

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BEST BUY, MY FOOT

Best Buy has some bad policies....

Normally, I would not share this with others, however, since this could happen to you or your friends , I decided to share it. If you purchase something from, Wal-Mart, Sam's Club, JC Penny, Sears etc. and you return the item with the receipt they will give you your money back if you paid cash, or credit your account if paid by plastic.

Well, I purchased a GPS for my car, a Tom Tom XL.S from 'Best Buy'. They have a policy that it must be returned within 14 days for a refund!

So after 4 days I returned it in the original box with all the items in the box, with paper work and cords all wrapped in the plastic. Just as I received it, including the receipt.

I explained to the lady at the return desk I did not  like the way it could not find store names. The lady at the refund desk said, there is a 15% restock fee, for items returned. I said no one told me that. I said how much would that be. She said it goes by the price of the item. It will be $45.00 Dollars for you. I said, all your going to do is walk over and place it back on the shelf then charge me $45.00 of my money for restocking? She said that's the store policy. I said if more people were aware of it they would not buy anything here! If I bought a $2000.00 computer or TV and returned it I would be charged $300.00 dollars restock fee? She said yes, 15%.

I said OK, just give me my money minus the restock fee.

She said, since the item is over $200.00 dollars, she can't give me my money back!!!

Corporate has to and they will mail you a check in 7 to ten days.!! I said 'WHAT?!'

It's my money!! I paid in cash! I want to buy a different brand..Now I have to wait 7 to 10 days. She said well, our policy is on the back of your receipt.

I said, do you read the front or back of your receipt? She said well, the front! I said so do I, I want to talk to the Manager!.

So the manager comes over, I explained everything to him, and he said, well, sir they should of told you about the policy when you got the item. I said, No one, has ever told me about the check refund or restock fee, whenever I bought items from computers to TVs from Best Buy. The only thing they ever discussed was the worthless extended warranty program. He said Well, I can give you corporate phone number.

I called corporate. The guy said, well, I'm not supposed to do this but I can give you a 45.00 dollar gift card and you can use it at Best Buy. I told him if I bought something and returned it, you would charge me a restock fee on the item and then send me a check for the remaining 3 dollars. You can keep your gift card, I'm never shopping in Best Buy ever again, and if I would of been smart, I would of charged the whole thing on my credit card! Then I would of canceled the transaction.

I would of gotten all my money back including your stupid fees! He didn't say a word!

I informed him that I was going to e-mail my friends and give them a heads up on this stores policy, as they don't tell you about all the little caveats.

So please pass this on. It may save your friends from having a bad experience of shopping at Best Buy

It's true! read it for yourself!!

Best Buys return policy

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See Your Birthday Verse!!!  Hoping to separate the multiple links here!!!!

(http://www.birthverse.com/mybirthverse.cfm" title="http://www.birthverse.com/mybirthverse.cfm" target="_blank"http://www.birthverse.com/myb...   ) )  )  )   )

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Freda Bright says, "Only in opera do people die of love."  

It's true.
You really can't love somebody to death.
I've known people to die from no love, but I've

never known anyone to be loved to death.
We just can't love one another enough.

A heart-warming story tells of a woman who finally

 decided to ask her boss for a raise in salary.
All day she felt nervous and apprehensive.
Late in the afternoon she summoned the courage to approach

her employer. To her delight, the boss agreed to a raise.

The woman arrived home that evening to a beautiful table set

with their best dishes. Candles were softly glowing.
Her husband had come home early and prepared a festive meal.
She wondered if someone from the office had tipped him off.
Or did he just somehow know that she would not get turned down?
She found him in the kitchen and told him the good news.

They embraced and kissed, then sat down to the wonderful meal.
Next to her plate the woman found a beautifully lettered note.

It read:
"Congratulations, darling! I knew you'd get the raise!
These things will tell you how much I love you."
Following the supper, her husband went into the kitchen to clean up.
She noticed that a second card had fallen from his pocket.
Picking it off the floor, she read: "Don't worry about not getting the raise!
You deserve it anyway! These things will tell you how much I love you."

Someone has said that the measure of love is when you love without measure.
What this man feels for his spouse is total acceptance and love, whether she

succeeds or fails.
His love celebrates her victories and soothes her wounds.
He stands with her, no matter what life throws in their direction.
He may say that he loves her to death.
But he doesn't.  He loves her to LIFE.
For his love nourishes her life like nothing else can.

Upon receiving the Nobel Peace Prize, Mother Teresa said: "What can you do to promote

 world peace? Go home and love your family."
And love your friends. Love them without measure. Love them to LIFE.

Steve Goodier

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An oldie still making the rounds!!

A guy is 75 years old and loves to fish and play golf.
He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, "Pick me up."

He looked around and couldn't see any one. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again,
"Pick me up." He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.

The man said, "Are you talking to me?"   

The frog said, "Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up.
Then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen.
I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your bride!"

The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket.

Then the frog said, "What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said?
I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride."   

He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,

"Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog."

2 Comments

In just one year .  Remember the election in 2006?

Thought you might like to read the following. A little over one year ago: 
 
1) Consumer confidence stood at a 2 1/2 year high; 
2) Regular gasoline sold for $2.19 a gallon; 
3) The unemployment rate was 4.5%. 
 
Since voting in a Democratic Congress in 2006 we have seen: 
 
1) Consumer confidence plummet;
2) The cost of regular gasoline soar to over $3.50 a gallon; 
3) Unemployment is up to 5% (a 10% increase); 
4) American households have seen $2.3 trillion in equity value evaporate (stock and mutual fund losses); 
5) Americans have seen their home equity drop by $1.2 trillion dollars; 
6) 1% of American homes are in foreclosure. 
 
America voted for change in 2006, and we got it! 
 
Remember it's Congress that makes law not the President. He has to work with what's handed to him.

Quote of the Day........'My friends, we live in the greatest nation in the history of the world.  I hope you'll join with me as we try to change it.' -- Barack Obama

Part 2:

Taxes...Whether Democrat or a Republican you will find these statistics enlightening and amazing. 
 http://www.tax" title="http://www.tax" target="_blank"http://www.tax%20foundatin.org/publications/show/151 .html

Taxes under Clinton 1999   &nb sp;   &nbs p;     ;         & nbsp;    Taxes under Bush 2008 
Single making 30K - tax $8,400   & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;  Single making 30K - tax $4,500 
Single making 50K - tax $14,000       & nbsp;    Single making 50K - tax $12,500 
Single making 75K - ta x $23,250        & nbsp;   Single making 75K - tax $18,750 
Married making 60K - tax $16,800         Married making 60K- tax $9,000 
Married making 75K - tax $21,000  ;        Married making 75K - tax $18,750 
Married making 125K - tax $38,750       Married making 125K - tax $31,250

Both democratic candidates will return to the higher tax rates.

8 Comments

DIFFERENT WAYS OF LOOKING AT THINGS   

(or the uncertainty of the English language)

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values. Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, Did you?

"Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?"

------------------------- ------------------------- --------

A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did my intelligence come from?"

The father replied. "Well son, you must have got it from your mother, 'cause I still have mine."

------------------------- ------------------------- -------

"Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce Court Judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,"

"That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."

------------------------- ------------------------- -------

A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, "I don't like the looks of your wife at all."

"Me neither doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook, and really good with the kids".

------------------------- ------------------------- ---------

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.

The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you".

The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."

------------------------- ------------------------- --------

Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder.

1. The DNA all matches.

2. There are no dental records.

------------- ------------------------- --------------------

A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City ?"

The agent replies, "Just a minute.."

"Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.

------------------------- ------------------------- --------

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.

"How was he killed?" asked one detective.

"With a golf gun," the other detective replied. "A golf gun?!

What is a golf gun?" "I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan."

------------------------- ------------------------- ---------

Moe: "My wife got me to believe in religion."

Joe: "Really?"

Moe: "Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in hell."

------------------------- ------------------------- --------

A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling.

"I'm O. K. but I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery," he answered.

"What did he say," asked the nurse.

"OOPS"

------------------------- ------------------------- ----------

While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so sought my husband's advice.

"What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?"

"Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in one."

He's still in intensive care.

0 Comments

  Out of the Mouths of Grand Kids

##### 

She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter as she'd done many times before.  After she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, 'But Gramma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!' 

#####   

  My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, '62.' 

  He was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, 'Did you start at 1?' 

  ##### 

  After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair.  As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin.  Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings.  As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, 'Who was THAT?' 

##### 

A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like: 'We used to skate outside on a pond.  I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard.  We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods.'

  The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in.  At last she said, 'I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!' 

##### 

My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, 'Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?'  I mentally polished my halo while I asked, 'No, how are we alike?' 

  'You're both old,' he replied. 

##### 

A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word  processor.  She told him she was writing a story.  'What's it about?' he asked.   'I don't know,' she replied. 'I can't read.' 

##### 

I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her.  I would point out something and ask what color it was.  She would tell me and was always correct.  It was fun for me, so I continued. 

  At last she headed for the door, saying sagely, 'Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these yourself!' 

##### 

When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects.  Still, a few fireflies followed us in.  Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, 'It's no use, Grandpa. The mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights.' 

##### 

When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, 'I'm not sure.' 

  'Look in your underwear, Grandpa,' he advised. 'mine says I'm four to six.' 

##### 

  A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, 'Grandma, guess what?  We learned how to make babies today.' 

  The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. 'That's interesting,' she said, 'how do you make babies?' 

  'It's simple,' replied the girl. 'You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'.' 

##### 

Children's Logic: 'Give me a sentence about a public servant,' said a teacher. The small boy wrote: 'The fireman came down the ladder pregnant.'  The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. 'Don't you know what pregnant means?' she asked.   'Sure,' said the young boy confidently. 'It means carrying a child.' 

##### 

  A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past.  Sitting in the front seat of the truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties. 

  'They use him to keep crowds back,' said one child. 

  'No,' said another, 'he's just for good luck.' 

  A third child brought the argument to a close. 'They use the dogs,'  she said firmly, 'to find the fire hydrants...

2 Comments

Not wanting to use the word conspiracy....but.... look at this movie and decide for yourselves!!

http://pentagon-strike.freeonlinegames.com/#Main" title="http://pentagon-strike.freeonlinegames.com/#Main" target="_blank"http://pentagon-strike.freeon... 

2 Comments

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House
in 2007-- a redneck, an African American and a Mexican.

They go together with a White House official to examine the fence.

The black contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring,
then works some figures with a pencil.

"Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for
materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me."

The Mexican contractor also does some measuring and figuring, and then
says.. "I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my
crew and $100 profit for me."

The redneck contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the
White House official and whispers, $2,700."

The official, Incredulous, says, "you didn't even measure like the o
ther guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?">
 
The redneck contractor whispers back, "$1,000 for me, $1,000 for you,
and we hire the Mexican to fix the fence!"

"Done!" replies the government official.

"Sometimes the lowest price is too high  . .  !"

0 Comments

Teacher

If a dog were the teacher you would learn stuff like:

When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.

Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.

Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.

When it's in your best interest, practice obedience.

Let others know when they've invaded your territory.

Take naps.

Stretch before rising.

Run, romp, and play daily.

Thrive on attention and let people touch you.

Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.

On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.

On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.

When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.

No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing and
pout...run right back and make friends.

Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you have had enough.

Be loyal. Never pretend to be something you're not.

If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.

When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle
them gently.


Anonymous

Inner Strength


If you can start the day without caffeine or pep pills,
If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,
If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it,
If you can understand when loved ones are too busy to give you time,
If you can overlook when people take things out on you when,
through no fault of yours, something goes wrong,
If you can take criticism and blame without resentment,
If you can face the world without lies and deceit,
If you can conquer tension without medical help,
If you can relax without liquor,
If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
If you can do all these things,


Then you are probably the family dog.

No Dogs Allowed

A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says, "This is my seeing-eye dog." "Oh man, " the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.

Another guy walks in the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog." The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says, "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!"

The second man replies, "This is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chihuahuas as seeing-eye dogs." The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!?"

1 Comments

> Hearing their exchange, the pilot rolled his eyes and said to his copilot,
> 'Such  big-shots back there. I could throw all three of them out of the
> window and make 156 million people very happy.'
>
> I'm voting for the Pilot

1 Comments

Pass

The Butter, Please .

. Margarine was originally manufactured

to fatten turkeys. When it killed the turkeys, the

people who had put all the money into the research

wanted a payback so they put their heads together to

figure out what to do with this product to get their

money back. It was a white substance with no food appeal

so they added the yellow coloring and sold it to people

to use in place of butter. How do you like it? They have

come out with some clever new flavorings.

DO YOU

KNOW the difference

between margarine and butter?

Read on to the

end; it gets very interesting! Both

have the same amount of

calories. Butter is slightly higher

in saturated fats at 8

grams compared

to 5

grams. Eating margarine can increase heart

disease in women

by 53% over eating the

same amount of butter, according to a recent Harvard

Medical Study Eating butter increases

the absorption of many other

nutrients in other

foods. Butter has

many nutritional

benefits where margarine has

a few only

because they are added! Butter tastes much

better than margarine

and it can enhance the flavors of other

foods. Butter has been

around for centuries where margarine has been

around for less than 100

years . And now, for

Margarine... Very high in

trans fatty

acids. Triple risk

of coronary heart

disease . Increases

total chol esterol and LDL (this is

the bad cholesterol) and lowers HDL cholesterol (the

good cholesterol) Increases the

risk of cancers up to five fold. Lowers

quality of breast

milk. Decreases

immune response. Decreases insulin response. And here's the

most disturbing fact; HERE IS THE PART THAT IS VERY

INTERESTING ! Margarine is

but ONE

MOLECULE away from

being PLASTIC. This fact

alone was enough to have me avoiding margarine for life

and anything else that is hydrogenated (this means

hydrogen is added, changing the molecular structure of

the substance). You can try

this yourself: Purchase a

tub of margarine and leave it in your garage or shaded

area. Within a couple of days you will note a couple of

things: *

no flies, not even those pesky fruit flies will go

near it (that should tell you

something) *

it does not rot or smell differently because it

has no nutritional

value; nothing will

grow on it. Even those teeny weenie microorganisms will

not a find a home to grow. Why?

Because it is nearly

plastic .

Would you melt your Tupperware and spread that on

your toast? & nbsp;Share This

With Your Friends (if you want to 'butter them

up')! Chinese

Proverb: 'When someone

shares something of value with you and you benefit from

it, you have a moral obligation to share it with

others.'

Pass

The Butter, Please .

. Margarine was originally manufactured

to fatten turkeys. When it killed the turkeys, the

people who had put all the money into the research

wanted a payback so they put their heads together to

figure out what to do with this product to get their

money back. It was a white substance with no food appeal

so they added the yellow coloring and sold it to people

to use in place of butter. How do you like it? They have

come out with some clever new flavorings.

DO YOU

KNOW the difference

between margarine and butter?

Read on to the

end; it gets very interesting! Both

have the same amount of

calories. Butter is slightly higher

in saturated fats at 8

grams compared

to 5

grams. Eating margarine can increase heart

disease in women

by 53% over eating the

same amount of butter, according to a recent Harvard

Medical Study Eating butter increases

the absorption of many other

nutrients in other

foods. Butter has

many nutritional

benefits where margarine has

a few only

because they are added! Butter tastes much

better than margarine

and it can enhance the flavors of other

foods. Butter has been

around for centuries where margarine has been

around for less than 100

years . And now, for

Margarine... Very high in

trans fatty

acids. Triple risk

of coronary heart

disease . Increases

total chol esterol and LDL (this is

the bad cholesterol) and lowers HDL cholesterol (the

good cholesterol) Increases the

risk of cancers up to five fold. Lowers

quality of breast

milk. Decreases

immune response. Decreases insulin response. And here's the

most disturbing fact; HERE IS THE PART THAT IS VERY

INTERESTING ! Margarine is

but ONE

MOLECULE away from

being PLASTIC. This fact

alone was enough to have me avoiding margarine for life

and anything else that is hydrogenated (this means

hydrogen is added, changing the molecular structure of

the substance). You can try

this yourself: Purchase a

tub of margarine and leave it in your garage or shaded

area. Within a couple of days you will note a couple of

things: *

no flies, not even those pesky fruit flies will go

near it (that should tel