A Bulletin Board

Signs on Synagogue Bulletin Boards

1. Under same management for over 5,763 years.

2. Don't give up. Moses was once a basket case.

3. Sign over the urinal in a bathroom at Hebrew
University : " The future of the Jewish people is in
your hands."

4. The Butterfly Effect: Any time a person goes into
a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread
with mayonnaise, somewhere a Jew dies.

5. It was mealtime during a flight on El-Al. "Would
you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked Moshe,
seated in front. "What are my choices?" Moshe asked.
"Yes or no," she replied.

6. A rabbi was opening his mail one morning. Taking
a single paper from an envelope he found written on it
only one word: "shmuck." At the next Friday night
service, the Rabbi announced, "I have known many
people who have written letters and forgot to sign
their names, but this week I received a letter from
someone who signed his name....and forgot to write a
letter.

7. Three Jewish women get together for lunch. As they
are being seated in the restaurant, one takes a deep
breath and gives a long, slow "oy". The second takes a
deep breath as well and lets out a long, slow "oy".
The third takes a deep breath and says patiently,
"Girls, I thought we agreed that we weren't going to
talk about our children."

8. A waiter comes over to a table full of Jewish
women and asks, "Is anything all right?"

In the mid-60's, a US Navy cruiser stopped in
Mississippi for a week's shore leave. The first
evening, the Captain was more than a little surprised
to receive the following letter from the wife of a
wealthy plantation owner.

Dear Captain,

Thursday will be my daughter Melinda's coming-of-age
party. I would like you to send four well mannered,
handsome, unmarried officers to attend the dance. They
should arrive at 8 p.m., prepared for an evening of
polite Southern conversation and dance with
lovely young ladies. One last point: No Jews - We
don't like Jews."

At 8 PM on Thursday, the lady of the house heard a
rap at the door which she opened to find, in dress
uniform, four well-mannered, smiling black officers.
Her lower jaw hit the floor, but pulling herself
together, she stammered, "There must be some mistake."

"Madam," said the first officer, "Captain Goldberg
does not make mistakes."

"Sinning wouldn't be so popular if it's wages were paid immediately"