Purina Diet

Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for Athena the

wonder dog at Wal-Mart and was about to check out. A woman behind me

asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was

starting the Purina Diet again. Although I probably shouldn't, because

I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds

before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most

of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that

it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat

one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally

complete so I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that

practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story! .)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food

poisoned me.

I told her no; I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a

car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was

laughing so hard.

WALMART WON'T let me shop there anymore!!!