Women!!!

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAst
She's  sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is  on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her  daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her  boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her  husband is on the back of the milk carton.
_________________________ _______

WOMEN'S REVENGE

"Cash, check or  charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished
to purchase.

As she fumbled  for her wallet ,  I noticed a  remote control for a
television set in her purse.  "So, do you  always carry your TV remote?"
I asked.

"No," she  replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and
I figured  this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."
_________________________ _____

UNDERSTANDING  WOMEN (A MAN'S  PERSPECTIVE)

I know I'm  not going to understand women. I'll never  understand how you
can take boiling hot wax, pour it  onto your upper thigh, rip the hair
out by the root, and still  be afraid of a spider.

MARRIAGE SEMINAR

While attending a  Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and
his wife  Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential  that
husbands and wives know each others likes and  dislikes."

He addressed the  man,"Can you name your  wife's favorite flower?"

Tom leaned over,  touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's
Pillsbury, isn't  it?
_________________________ _______

WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down  a country road for several miles, not saying a word.

An earlier  discussion had led to an argument and neither of them  wanted
to concede their position.

As they passed a  barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked
sarcastically, "Relatives of
yours?"

"Yep," the wife  replied, "in-laws."
_________________________ _______

WORDS

A husband  read an article to his wife about how many words women use a
day... 30,000 to a  man's 15,000.

The wife  replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat
everything to men...

The husband  then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"
_________________________ _______

CREATION
A man  said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so  stupid
and so beautiful all at the same time.

"The  wife responded, "Allow me to explain.  God  made me beautiful so
you would be attracted to me; God  made me stupid so I would be attracted
to you!
_________________________ _______

WHO DOES  WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should  brew the
coffee each morning.

The wife said, "You should do it because you get up first, and then we
don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."

The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you
should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my
coffee.."

Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that
the man  should do the coffee."

Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."

So she  fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at
the top of  several pages, that it indeed says ........  "HEBREWS"
_________________________ _______

The Silent  Treatment

A man and  his wife were having some problems at home and were  giving
each other the silent treatment. 
Suddenly,  the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to
wake  him at 5:00 AM  for an early morning business flight. Not  wanting
to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece  of
paper, "Please  wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it  where he knew she would
find it.

The next  morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and
he had  missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his
wife hadn't  wakened him,when he  noticed a piece of paper by  the  bed.

The paper  said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

Men are  not equipped for these kinds of contests.
_________________________ _______

God may  have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft
before the masterpiece

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Psalm 96:11-12 Let the heavens be glad and the earth rejoice; let the sea and what fills it resound; let the plains be joyful and all that is in them!